


Love and Lust

by Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Boss!Levi, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Claustrophobia, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eren and Mikasa have some issues, Eventual Smut, Familial Abuse, Female Hange Zoë, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Intern!Eren - Freeform, Levi can be such a jerk, M/M, Modern Era, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Eren Yeager, POV First Person, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), POV Multiple, Physical Abuse, Pining Levi, Playboy levi, Playboy!Levi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rating May Change, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Suggestive Themes, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Verbal Abuse, but I still love him, but then it gets better, levi has a potty mouth, most characters are at least mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 13:48:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5499365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop/pseuds/Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the death of his mother, Eren is left completely broken. To make matters worse, his father blames Eren for her death, and constantly reminds him of this with both emotional and physical abuse. Although very intelligent, Eren is convinced that he is worthless, but in his senior year at Shiganshina High, his principal, Erwin Smith, convinces him to accept a job at the Recon Corp. working for Levi Ackerman. </p><p>Levi is a workaholic who runs the Recon Corp. However, he uses his position to get himself the best pieces of ass all over the city. He is an uncaring playboy who takes what he wants and does not care how it may affect others. </p><p>*WARNING* This fic contains self-harm, suicidal thoughts or actions, claustrophobia, and other symptoms of depression. If these will trigger you in any way, please do not read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eren's POV

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this fic for a little while, and I decided that I should post it. I think it will be a longer fic. I'll try to get chapters posted quickly, but I make no guarantees. I hope you enjoy!

“Shut up, Mom!” I screamed from the passenger seat in the car. Wind was swirling around the vehicle and rain pelted down on the windows. The sun was completely covered by dark, ominous clouds.

“Eren,” she replied. Although her voice was calm and even, her eyes burned with determination and anger. She was not going to back down. “You can’t keep doing things like this. Think about how this will affect you in the future!”

“Who cares about the future?” I bellowed back. “I’m only a sophomore! So what if I ditch a day or two of school? It’s not like I’m getting anything out of being in school anyways!”

Finally, Mom’s patience snapped and she turned to face me. “Eren Grisha Jaeger I do not care whether you like school or not. I don’t care if you never ever use any of the information taught to you again after you graduate. I am your mother and I am demanding, not asking, not suggesting, _demanding_ that you cut the crap and stop ditching classes. You _will_ go to school tomorrow, do you understand me?”

“I hate you mom!” That was the last thing I could say before the sound of crunching metal met my ears. Time seemed to stand still as the truck crashed into Mom’s side of the car. Her eyes widened in shock as the front of the truck made contact with her body. Then came the pain. White-hot searing pain coursed through me. I couldn’t remember where I was or what my name was. All I could do was scream as blood gushed all around me and agony pierced each and every one of my nerves.

 

I was still screaming when I woke up, my entire bed coated with sweat. At some point in the night I had kicked my sheets off and they were now in a crumpled heap at the foot of my bed. The image of Mom’s twisted and broken body still filled my mind as took a deep breath, trying to calm myself after the nightmare. It’s always the same every night, no matter how much time has passed since the accident. I always wake screaming as I stare in horror at Mom’s dying figure.

Deep down, I knew it wasn’t really my fault. The driver would have been drunk regardless of whether or not Mom and I were fighting. He would have hit the car even if I didn’t yell at her. And yet, I can’t help but to blame myself. Maybe if I hadn’t distracted her, she would have been able to avoid the collision. And then there was the nature of our last conversation. My last words to her would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Sighing, I glanced around my dark room until my eyes met the dim numbers on my clock. _2:47_ , it read. I sighed. I didn’t need to be up for school for another three and a half hours. I really needed to sleep, but there was no way that I would be able to fall back asleep with my heart beating so fast and my brain working in overdrive, pumping negative thoughts through my mind. I needed to calm down. Silently, I reached down to my bedside table, pulling open the drawer and pulling out two objects, The first was a simple gray rag that I set down under my left arm. The other was a small razor blade, shining from its recent clean. Slowly, I dragged the blade across a patch of clear skin on my left arm, tracing a perfectly straight line. It wasn’t deep enough to scar, but still enough to draw blood. I waited for a moment, allowing my brain to catch up with the pain, and then let the sensation consume me. I focused my attention completely on the physical pain, allowing the mental pain to sink away into the background. It was just me and the pain. After basking in the soothing feeling for a few minutes, I took the rag and gently wiped away the blood on my arm before returning my tools to my nightstand. With my mind now completely empty of any thoughts, I lied down and quickly fell asleep.

 

A few hours later, I awoke to a dull throbbing in my arm. I groaned, sitting up to inspect the damage. The wound was still fresh, but fortunately, it hadn’t bled on my clothes or my bed. I stood up groggily, willing my mind to remain empty. I pulled the razor and cloth out of my drawer to rinse them off before anybody saw them. I doubted my dad would care if he found out that I cut, but Mikasa would probably freak out.

After I had finished washing up in the bathroom, I trudged back into my room and pulled my usual hoodie over my head. I had enough scars littering my arms from the years since Mom’s death that I had gotten used to wearing long sleeves every day. It was much more comfortable to do so now that it was winter, but even in the summers, I made sure that my arms were never showing. I managed to avoid suspicion by giving bullshit excuses like I get sunburns easily or I have an unusually low body temperature. For the most part, people actually believed me. I didn’t have any real friends in school so I didn’t have to worry about anyone prying more than simply asking if I wanted to take of my sweatshirt. The only person who I had had difficulty convincing was Mikasa, but eventually I managed to assure her that I liked to wear the long sleeves because it made me feel like Mom was hugging me. I knew that the excuse was complete bullshit, but she accepted it, so I stuck with it. Occasionally, she would try to convince me to dress more appropriately for the weather, but I would always just shrug it off.

Mikasa had had a much more normal response to Mom’s death. Of course she had been heartbroken, losing another parental figure in her lifetime, and had mourned for a while, but eventually, she picked herself up and moved on with her life. I didn’t. I could never forget the look that Mom gave me in her last moments, pleading with me to take responsibility for myself before her expression morphed into one full of anger and venom. And the pained look she had given me when she got the phone call from my principal when he told her that I had skipped school for the thirteenth time than semester. She was so disappointed, but also so worried, but all I had done was shrugged off her concerns, ignoring her to go hang out with friends instead of studying and get into trouble instead of going to classes. I never appreciated all that she did for me until she was gone. And now she’s never coming back.

 

I left for school about half an hour before Mikasa. She always drove, and offered to drive me as well, but I always refused. I preferred to bike to school by myself. I liked the solitude in the mornings. The air was crisp and the wind blew threw my hair as I peddled down the road towards Shiganshina High. As I made my way down the road, I mentally went over everything I needed to do today. I had already turned in my history project but I did have a test today in first period calculus. I sighed as I tried to remember the right formulas. I wasn’t too worried about the test though. After Mom died, I promised myself that I would work harder and focus more on school, if not for me, then for her. I shut myself out from everyone, devoting all of my energy to my schoolwork. It may not have been the healthiest way of coping with her death, but at least my grades increased. I found myself drifting apart from the few friends that I did have, which was fine, because I didn’t need friends. Friends were just a distraction from what was really important. Even Mikasa and I drifted apart. She worried about me constantly for a while after Mom died, but eventually, she gave up on me. She realized that there was no way to get through to me, so she stopped trying. My junior year, the year after Mom died, went by in a blur. I studied constantly, and when the stress became too much to handle, I cut, allowing my emotions be washed away yet again by the cool silver razor blade in my nightstand. It was an endless cycle.

By the time I arrived at Shiganshina, the sun was beginning to rise. Classes wouldn’t begin for another twenty minutes or so, so after locking up my bike, I headed towards the library at the center of the school. During school hours, when I wasn’t in class, I was almost always at the library. I often even stayed there for hours after school instead of going home. It had become a sort of safe haven for me. The librarian was a sullen woman named Ms. Leonhart, but I liked her. She never talked to me or asked me if I was okay, which I appreciated. Our relationship consisted of nodding at each other in greeting and waving goodbye in the evenings, and I was grateful for that. We simply minded out own business. Often times, especially after school, we were the only two people still in the library, and her silent presence was comforting to me.

I plopped down in my usual seat in the corner of the library and pulled out my calculus textbook. I figured I might as well get in some extra studying before my exam. Before long, the bell was ringing, signaling the start of the day, so I gathered up my belongings and trudged to class. The rest of the day went slowly as I tried to focus on the lectures, but even though I was actually making an effort in school now, it didn’t make it any more interesting. I was grateful when the final bell rang and the students began to pack up to go home. I headed straight back towards the library, but was dismayed to find that the lights were off and the doors were locked.

 _Shit_ , I thought to myself. _I forgot, it’s Monday. Ms. Leonhart always goes home early on Mondays._ I sighed, suddenly wishing that the day _wasn’t_ over yet and I was still in class. I wasn’t ready to go home yet. I considered just staying at the school and hanging out somewhere, but I decided against it. Technically, students weren’t supposed to stay at school after hours, but Ms. Leonhart always just turned a blind eye. Grumbling to myself, I began walking in the direction of the bike rack. I was so lost in my own grumpy thoughts that I didn’t even notice the man in front of me before I was crashing into his stomach.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” I said looking up in complete mortification as I realized who it was that I had just face planted into. None other than Erwin fucking Smith, the most illegally attractive man to ever walk this earth. He was tall and broad, his chiseled chest and powerful expression just _begging_ to be drooled over. I knew I shouldn’t have these kinds of thoughts about my school principal, but I simply couldn’t help it. The man practically _oozed_ sex.

“P-principal Smith!” I tried again. “Sorry, I-I didn’t notice you.” I mentally cursed myself for stuttering.

“Oh, if it isn’t Mr. Eren Jaeger,” Smith said in that sinfully low voice of his, and I had to physically stop myself from shuddering as he addressed me. “I was wondering if you would still be here. I often see you in the library after hours.”

I ducked my head, wondering if he was going to punish me. “Sorry, sir. I know I’m not supposed to be here after school, I just-”

“It’s fine,” he interrupted me. “I was actually coming down here to see if I could find you. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Y-you did?” I asked, shocked. Nobody ever talked to me. I just kept my head down and ignored everyone, and they generally did the same to me.

“Indeed,” he said. “Why don’t you come down to my office.”

“Uh, okay,” I said lamely and he turned to walk towards his office. I followed behind him in silence. I had never been in his office before, so I had no idea what to expect, but still, the room was much simpler than I would have assumed. It was fairly small, with a simple bookshelf pushed against the left wall and a large oak desk in the center. Principal Smith seated himself in a black rolling chair behind the desk and motion for me to sit in the chair in front. Once I was seated, he spoke.

“So Eren, there are two things I wanted to talk to you about this afternoon. First of all, as you are well aware, the first semester is almost over and then you will only have one more semester left of high school before you are moving on to bigger and grander things. However, what you may _not_ be aware of is that as of right now, you are right on track to graduate as valedictorian.”

My eyes widened in shock. I knew I had good grades and everything, but I never really considered myself to be at the top of the school.

“How?” I asked dumbly. Principal Erwin smirked slightly.

“Have you never noticed that you do well in all of your classes, have straight A’s, and a weighted GPA of 4.7?” I paused for a moment, considering his words. I knew I had straight A’s because just last week I brought my progress report card to the graveyard to show Mom. And since I was taking almost entirely AP and honors classes, I suppose it made sense that my weighted GPA was so high, but for some reason I had never really put it all together.

“But I’m not smart!” I finally said, and Principal Smith frowned but did not respond. It was true. I wasn’t smart. I was average at best. I wasn’t special, and I definitely did not deserve to be valedictorian. There were plenty of people at the school who deserved the position way more than I did. People who didn’t kill their own mothers!

Finally, Erwin spoke again. “Well, regardless, there is a good chance that you will end up graduating at the top of your class. I wanted to let you know so that you could make sure to continue to push yourself and work hard for one final semester.”

I nodded, but I still thought that the principal had made a mistake. There was no way that I was that special.

“You said that there was a second thing?” I asked after another moment of silence.

“Yes,” Smith replied. “Your English teacher informed me that you are not applying for college. Any reason why?”

I frowned. Why would he care if I were going to college or not.

“I can’t really afford it,” I answered honestly. My dad only had enough to pay for either me or my sister so…” I trailed off, looking back at the floor. Believe it or not, I actually _wanted_ to go to college. Mom would have been proud if I made it into a university. But of course, I refused to go if it meant the Mikasa wouldn’t be able to. Anyways, Dad would pay for her in a heartbeat between the two of us. But that was neither here nor their.

“Have you considered applying for a scholarship?” Erwin asked.

“No,” I said. “I didn’t want to take opportunities away from people who were more deserving of the scholarship, if I even got it.”

Once again, Erwin frowned, but he did not press me further. Instead, he said, “So, are you saying that if you had the money to go to college, then you would.”

“Sure, I guess,” I said, not really sure where he was going with this.

“Well then, that settles it. You’ll be done with all of your core classes at the end of this semester, right?”

“Yes?” I said, more than a little confused.

“Perfect,” he said. “Then next semester, instead of coming to school every day, I am going to get you a paid internship at The Recon Corp. A friend of mine owns the company, and I’m sure I can get him to take you on as an intern.”

I was shocked. When Erwin called me into his office, I was expecting to be yelled at for staying late in school or just being a miserable excuse of a human being, but instead, I was being complimented and offered a job.

“I-I guess I’ll take it,” I said, a little unsure. I mean, yes, I needed a job and it would be nice to be able to go to college. But then again, was I really qualified to work for Recon Corp, one of the biggest corporations in the city? And would Dad even let me?

“Wonderful,” Erwin smiled. “I’ll talk to my friend and let you know as soon as possible.”

“Thanks, I guess,” I said, rising to head back home.

 

About twenty minutes later, I was dropping my bike in the garage of my house. Dad’s car was parked in the garage too, so I knew he was home. I sighed, preparing myself for what was to come. Slowly, I opened the front door and peered around the corner of the entryway. Dad was sprawled out on the couch, TV remote in one hand, beer in the other. Based on the number of empty cans littering the floor, I guessed he was nowhere near sober. I crept past him as quietly as I could, trying to make it to the stairs before he noticed me, but unfortunately, even when drunk, Dad had the hearing of a motherfucking hawk.

“Eren,” he growled, and my whole body tensed. “Where the fuck were you?”

“School,” I said curtly.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that, you little piece of shit,” he spat. “Get over here and address your father properly!”

I knew there was no way to avoid him. The best thing to do when Dad was home was to do whatever he said and hope he tired out before he could get too violent. I walked over to the couch where he was seated and faced him. “Sorry, sir.”

“Damn right you are, scumbag. Now you’d better tell me the truth. Where were you?”

“I was at school, sir.”

Suddenly, he lunged forward and grabbed me by the ear. He pulled me straight up to his face and yelled right in my face, his alcohol tainted breath assaulting my face. “School ended hours ago! Don’t lie to me, shitstain!”

“I was!” I cried, wincing in pain as he yanked on my ear. “I had a meeting with Principal Smith!”

His hand whipped across my face and felt a searing pain on my cheek where he slapped me.

“So are you saying you were in trouble? Why am I not surprised, you worthless piece of garbage. You’re just taking up space in _my_ house, using up _my_ money, and spending all of _my_ time! I wish you’d never been born!” He slammed his fist into my chest and I tumbled backwards, grunting in agony. He stood and kicked me to the floor, a directing his murderous glare straight into my eyes.

“If it weren’t for you, Carla would still be around. I wish you had died in the car crash and she had lived.” His foot made contact with my skull and I saw stars. I closed my eyes, willing the torture to end. After what felt like hours (but was really only a few minutes), Dad spat on my face and then turned and stalked away into his office. As soon as he shut the door, I breathed in relief. I hurt all over and my nose was bleeding, but it was his words that really got to me.

 _I wish I had died instead of Mom in that crash too_.

I stood slowly but almost immediately leaned against the wall. My head was spinning so quickly that I could barely see. After resting for a few moments, I pulled myself to my feet and trudged up the stairs to my room. I grabbed the first aid kit out of my drawer and began tending to my wounds, hoping the bruising wouldn’t show in the morning for school. Once I had gotten my nose to stop bleeding, I threw myself onto my pillows and cried. I knew I deserved every harsh word Dad threw at me, but that didn’t make it any less painful. I just felt so alone, so hopeless. If only I _had_ died in that accident. I was just a worthless excuse of a human being. Mom was the one who deserved to live, not me. For the second time that day, I allowed my emotions to be washed away by my blade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Please leave kudos and comments to let me know how you liked it. Thank you for reading!


	2. Levi's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's Levi up to?

“Oh, god, Levi,” the man (I couldn’t remember his name) moaned as I thrust into him again. He was bent over my oak wood desk completely naked, covered in sweat and shivering in pleasure. I grunted and pushed into him one final time before he was coming all over his own stomach. A few moments later, I peaked as well, and I pulled out of him as he fell to the ground, exhausted. I pulled my pants up and then handed him some tissues.

“Clean yourself up and then get out of here. I have work to do,” I said.

“Just give me a minute to catch my breath,” the man panted.

“Mr. Ackerman?” a voice came over the intercom.

“What is it, Marco?” I asked.

“Mr. Erwin Smith called. He said he wanted to talk to you at some point today. I told him you are available at 6:00. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, Marco, that’s fine. Just mark it on my calendar.” I switched off the intercom and glanced at my watch. It was already 5:15. I turned back to the breathless man in a heap below my desk. “You have 15 minutes to be gone.”

“Can I at least call you?” the man asked hopefully.

“No,” I replied dully. That’s just how it went with me. I would pick up some random hot model or businessman, fuck him senseless, and then send him on his way. I knew it was selfish, but I didn’t really care. They’d get over it. And if not, that’s their own fault.

Once the man realized that I was in fact serious, he gathered his things together and left my office, grumbling under his breath. I straightened by hair a bit and then seated myself behind my desk to get some work done before Erwin arrived.

At exactly 6:00, there was a solid knock on my door.

“Come in,” I said. Erwin stepped into my office looking, as usual, like Captain fucking America.

“Good afternoon, Levi,” he greeted politely.

“Cut the formalities, Erwin,” I demanded. He smirked and sat down across from me.

“I want you to take on one of my students as an intern,” he said, cutting straight to the chase.

“The fuck? Why do you think I want to babysit some high school brat?”

“Well, for one thing, you wouldn’t be babysitting him. He’s a senior and he’s actually very intelligent. In fact, he’ll probably be graduating valedictorian.”

“So? He’s still just some horny teenager.”

“Oh, and you’re _not_ just some horny teenager?” he chided.

I frowned. “We’re the same age.”

“Oh, please excuse me. You’re a horny _adult_.”

“Can’t argue with that,” I agreed. “But seriously, Eyebrows. Why on Earth do you think I should take on a shitty intern? In the three years that I’ve been running this hellhole I’ve never once hired an intern.”

“Mostly, I just think that Eren would fit in well here, so I thought you’d try him out. Then maybe after college he might even come back as a full time employee.”

“I have all the workers on my team that I could need,” I argued.

“Please, Levi.”

“Why do you want me to take him so badly? There’s like, what, three thousand kids at Shiganshina? Why do you give a fuck?”

“Honestly, it’s because I think that he could do really great things one day, but he needs a push in the right direction.”

I sighed. I really did not want to accept. I didn’t have the time or patience to train an intern. But Erwin was one of my closest friends, and he rarely asked me for favors. I may have been an asshole, but I wasn’t a complete dick.

“Fine,” I grumbled and Erwin smiled.

“Wonderful!” he said. “After Christmas break, he can come in every day, but until then, should I have him come in on weekends?”

“Just tell him to be here on Saturday at 8:00 am.” Erwin nodded. We talked for a few more minutes before Erwin stood.

“I should get home,” he said. “Mike is cooking dinner tonight.”

“Alright, tell the old hubby I say hello,” I responded dryly. Erwin laughed and then left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment to let me know what you thought.


	3. Eren's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren prepares for his first day at Recon Corp.
> 
>  
> 
> ***Trigger Warning: This chapter contains claustrophobia***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was gonna have Levi and Eren meet in this chapter, but I got a bit carried away and it didn't really happen… Ah well. New chapter, I promise!

The rest of the week passed fairly normally. I went to my classes, read in the library, and tended to my various cuts and bruises. After his drunken rampage on Monday, Dad spent the rest of the week almost always at work, which gave the bruises he gave to me time to heal before the next time he completely lost control.

On Tuesday, Principal Smith spoke with me again after school to let me know that he had secured my internship and that I should report to the seventeenth floor of the Recon Corp. at promptly 8 am on Saturday. I wasn’t really sure if I should feel excited or nervous, but really, I didn’t feel either. I felt more numb than anything else. Feelings were too much of hassle. I’d rather just cut myself and bleed all of the feelings away than try to deal with the actual problems.

I woke up early on Saturday after a particularly brutal nightmare. Although I was used to the usual nighttime tortures, that did not make them any easier to deal with. I did not move for what felt like hours, sitting in my bed and staring at the ceiling as I tried to regulate my breathing.

 _I’m worthless._ I thought to myself as my hand unconsciously reached for the blade in my drawer.

 _Useless._ The edge scraped across my forearm in one, slick movement.

 _Disgusting._ Blood spilled freely from my arm, but it was not enough. I dragged the blade across my arm again and again and again, relishing in each jolt of pain before I repeated the action, obsessed with the sensation. I had absolute control over my body. I had absolute control over my pain.

By the time that I had snapped out of my bloody trance, I was horrified to find that it was already 7:00. If I wanted to be at the Recon Corp. in time, I would have to leave in just twenty minutes. I rushed to take a quick shower, cringing as the steaming water came into contact with my fresh wounds, and then taped them up so that they would not bleed through my shirt. I pulled on an old pair of slightly tattered jeans and a plain tee shirt, and then quickly pulled on my green hoodie. I glanced at the clock again.

_Shit, it’s already 7:30. I’d better hurry if I’m gonna make it on time._

I jogged down the stairs and hopped onto my bike, not bothering to wear a helmet. The ride to the Recon Corp. was long, but I was used to biking for extended periods of time. Since Mom’s death, I only ever biked anywhere. I absolutely refused to even sit in a car. I arrived at the Corp. at exactly 8:03. The main office was in a large, grey skyscraper near the center of town. The fifteenth, seventeenth, and twenty-first floors were all dedicated to the Recon. Corp. According to Principal Erwin, my new boss, Mr. Ackerman, worked on the seventeenth floor. I hopped off my bike and locked it on a pole outside of the building before stepping into the lobby. There were several people milling about, walking purposefully across the room or conversing with other businessmen. I trudged towards the elevator, pressing the button and waiting for it to let me in. When the doors opened, I took a deep breath before closing my eyes and stepping inside. The doors slid shut, and I was trapped. My heart began pounding in my chest and my breathing became erratic. I felt like a bird trapped in a metal cage. I cautiously opened my eyes, only to shut them tight again, my legs sinking to the floor. The walls seemed to be closing in on my, crushing me. I couldn’t move.

_I’m going to die here._

Suddenly, there was a sharp _ding!_ and the doors swung open again. I opened my eyes, but still remained seated in the corner of the elevator. A small, blonde haired boy wearing a neat blue cardigan and holding a folder full of paperwork stepped into the elevator.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concerned. I opened my mouth, about to tell him that I was fine, but all that came out was a pitiful squeak.

He nodded in understanding. “You must be claustrophobic. I understand. I actually used to be like that as well.” He sat down next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. I flinched, but he did not remove his hand.

“I used to feel small and insignificant, like a speck of dust compared to the rest of the word. It scared me, especially in small, boxed in places like this. But then I would remember that even though I’m just one small part of this world, I can still make a difference. I’m sure that you’re fears aren’t the same as mine, but when I used to panic like this, it was always helpful for me to just talk to someone, even if I couldn’t always respond.”

I nodded, still unable to form words.

“My name is Armin,” he continued conversationally. “Armin Arlert. I don’t recognize you though.”

“Today’s my first day working for Recon Corp.” I said weakly.

“Oh! You must be the new intern Levi mentioned,” Armin said. “I work for the Recon Corp. as well. I mostly manage the computers and databases, but I’m sure we’ll still be seeing a lot of each other. Now, I’m going to stand up and press the button for the seventeenth floor, alright?”

I nodded. I was glad that he warned me before moving. He really did understand how I was feeling if he knew that I would probably panic if he took any sudden actions. After pressing the button, he sat back down next to me.

“Fortunately, our elevator is pretty speedy, so we should be out of it soon,” he told me. As promised, just a few moments later, the doors opened yet again. Armin held out his hand and helped me to my feet. I followed him out of the elevator slowly; my legs were still a little shaky. I took a deep breath, relieved to be breathing fresh air, rather than the recycled air cycling through the small elevator.

“Thank you, Armin,” I said. He smiled.

“Of course. I’m glad I could help you. Like I said, I totally understand what you were going through. Here, I have to go now, but why don’t you write down my cell number so you can tell me about your first day later.” He slipped a hand into his pocket and pulled out a business card. On the back, he wrote out his personal cell phone number. Then, before I had a chance to speak again, he was gone.

“Thank you,” I whispered again, even though he had left. Nobody had ever been that nice to me before. I knew that I didn’t deserve his kindness, but I was selfish. I tried to hold on to the warm feeling of being appreciated for as long as I could before it all came crashing down as I realized what time it was.

 _Shit! How long was I in that goddamn elevator? I’m twenty minutes late_. And with that thought, I remembered why I couldn’t have friends. They were a distraction from what was really important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! The next chapter will definitely have the characters meet (we were so close, I know!!) and should be up within the next week. Please leave kudos and comments! <3


	4. Levi's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi meets his new intern.

Where the fuck was this Eren kid? I wasn’t surprised when 8:00 passed (I told Erwin high school kids were shitty brats), but now it was 8:20 and the fucker still wasn’t here.

“The brat better not be too excited for this job,” I mumbled absently to myself. “He’s not gonna last here long.”

At 8:27, there was a soft knock on my office door.

“Who the fuck is it?” I growled. I was in a _very_ bad mood, to say in the least. Whoever it was didn’t answer. He only squeaked.

“Open the fucking door and get the fuck in here,” I said, not in the mood to play games. Slowly, the door creaked open, and a boy I didn’t recognize walked in. He was tall (at least, taller than me, but that’s not saying much), but he was looking at the floor and his posture was awful, making him look shorter than he really was. Not only that, but he looked disgusting. His jeans (yes, he came to work at the Recon Corp. the biggest fucking corporation in the state wearing jeans) looked like they were ten years old, and he was wearing a dark green hoodie with small stains littering the sleeves. His hood was pulled up so I couldn’t see his face.

“You look like a hobo,” I said bluntly. He actually visibly flinched at my harsh tone. I rolled my eyes.

“I-” he started, but then he paused, taking a deep breath before starting again. His voice was still soft, but mixed with subtle determination. “I’m Eren Jaeger and I’m your new intern.”

 _What? This_ _kid is the intern?_

“Erwin told me to expect some genius or valedictorian shit or something.”

Once again, the kid seemed to shrink into himself. “I guess that’s me,” he said, his voice faltering slightly. Suddenly, he stood up straight and turned to face the door. “Would you excuse me for a moment?” Before I had the chance to tell him that _no_ I would _not_ fucking excuse him for a moment, he bolted out of the door.

 _What the actual fuck._ I picked up my cell phone and searched through my contacts before pressing call.

“Hello?” came Erwin’s smooth baritone.

“Eyebrows,” I spat venomously.

“Oh, hello, Levi-”

“Shut the _fuck_ up Erwin. You’re precious intern just showed up, half an hour late mind you, and he looks like a fucking criminal, not the super smart, responsible, mature person you promised me.”

“Levi, please, slow down,” Erwin said in his irritatingly calm voice. “He may not quite look the part, but I can promise you that he is incredibly intelligent and determine. He just needs a little push, that’s all.”

“Remember when I told you that I would not be babysitting?”

“I’m not asking you to babysit him. Just try him out. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll find somewhere else to send him. But I really do think that he will do well at Recon.”

I hung up with a sigh. There was never any arguing with Erwin. He always managed to get what he wanted one way or another. Right as I was hanging up, the hobo kid, Eren, came back in. This time, though, it was as though he had undergone a complete transformation. Well, not a _complete_ transformation. He was still wearing those god-awful clothes, but he was carrying himself differently now. He was standing up proud and tall, and his hood was pulled down now, revealing a large smile and huge bright eyes. At first glance, I thought that they were green, but when he stepped into the light, they glowed almost gold. Unfortunately, his breathtaking eyes were not enough to excuse the rest of his appearance or behavior.

“Took you long enough. What the fuck did you think you were doing?” I said.

“I’m very sorry, sir,” he said, and I blinked in surprise. His voice had completely changes as well, now full of happiness and confidence. “I was not thinking right, and I fear that I came off as a bit rude. Also, I’m very sorry that I was so late and I can assure you that it will not happen. As I said before, my name is Eren Jaeger and I am your new intern.” He smiled brightly, pushing his messy brown hair out of his face.

“I-” for once in my life, I was at a complete loss of words. It was like the Eren from just ten minutes ago died and was reincarnated as this new Eren. I quickly schooled my expression back into one of disinterest.

“Hmph,” I said. “Well, your behavior has not been acceptable and will not be excused in the future.”

“Of course, sir, I completely understand,” the boy chirped.

“And stop calling me sir. It makes me feel old. I’m just Levi.”

“Sorry, si- erm- Levi.” I nodded. I supposed he could be trained, but it would be a lot of work.

“So, brat, since this is your first job, I’m starting you off as a simple assistant. If you do well, I might promote you, but if you fuck up, I won’t hesitate to fire you,” I warned. He nodded and I continued. “Did you see the desk right outside of my office? That’s gonna be your workspace. Until next semester, you’ll come in every Saturday and Sunday from 8:00 am to 3:00 pm. Next semester though, the workload will increase considerably. We’ll get to that when the time comes.”

“I can stay longer than 3 pm if you want,” the boy offered.

“Hm? Not bad. Well then, for now, we’ll make it 5 and I’ll see how that works out.”

“And what will my job entail?” he asked.

“For now, you’ll mostly just be answering phone calls and setting up appointments.” For the next half hour or so, I walked him through all of his responsibilities. He remained cheerful and determined throughout the entire rest of the conversation until the very end.

“One last thing,” I said. “You didn’t know today, but from now on, you need to dress more appropriately. I’ll expect at least business casual.”

Suddenly, as though I had flipped some sort of magic switch, his face fell and his whole demeanor seemed to return back to the terrified boy from the beginning of the meeting. I was beginning to become frustrated by his drastic mood changes.

“What the fuck is the problem?” I snapped.

“Nothing,” he mumbled. “Will that be all?”

I frowned. Whatever. As long as he did his job, I didn’t really care if he had some sort of bipolar disorder or something.

“Yes, go get to work. You’re lunch break is from noon to 1.” He trudged out of my office and I watched through the window next to my door as he seated himself at is new desk.

 _He really does need to work on his appearance though_ , I thought. _He looks like a thug._


	5. Eren's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's point of view of his meeting with Levi and his first day of work.

I stared up at my reflection in the mirror, tears streaming down my face. What was wrong with me? For the past few years, I had trained myself to keep myself completely composed while I was in public. But now my first impression at my new job was having a complete breakdown. Why had I let that stupid elevator affect me so much? And then my boss, Levi, had given me that look; like I was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen. He saw right through my outer shell and looked straight at my ugly interior.

I took a deep breath. I needed to calm down, somehow. I rolled up my sleeve and carefully peeled back my bandage. The skin beneath it was no longer bleeding, but it was very raw and pink, the wound still fresh. I placed my index finger in the center of the cut and pushed down. It was more of a dull pain than the sharp relief that my razor blade gave me, but it was enough for me to push away the negative emotions at least until I got home.

I rewrapped my arm and wiped my face. Then, I emptied my mind and put on my usual mask of happiness, returning to Levi’s office to try to start again.

 

Once I was back in his office I apologized for my behavior. I assured him that I had been behaving out of character, praying that he wouldn't realize that I was lying, and his first glimpse of me was exactly who I am, and this act was what was _really_ out of character. He seemed to accept it, and didn't ask any questions, for which I was grateful. The rest of the meeting went fairly smoothly, until the very end.

As I returned to my own desk, I buried my head in my hands, wondering what I was going to do. He had told me that I needed to dress more formally. There were two problems with this. First of all, I didn't actually _have_ any nice clothes, and I definitely couldn't afford any. But also, I wasn't sure if I would be able to go without wearing my hoodie. I had worn it every single day since Mom's death. Sometimes I even slept in it. Mom had given it to me for my tenth birthday, but at the time, it had been too big. It didn't really fit well even now, but after she died, I refused to wear any other hoodie. And then, of course, there were my cuts and scars. Formal clothes would probably cover the scars, but if I ever went to work still bleeding, a nice shirt certainly wouldn't soak up the blood as easily as my hoodie. 

Luckily, I didn't have long to wallow in my self-pity before Armin trotted into the room. I took a deep breath and forced my mask back on, but I was still a little shaken up. Armin seemed to notice this.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," I responded slowly. "It's just that-" I paused. I liked Armin and I actually wanted to talk to him, but I didn't want him to know the extent of my issues.

"Yes?" Armin prompted.

"Well, Levi said that I'm going to have to dress more formally from now on, but the problem is, I can't exactly afford nice clothes." I admitted. 

"Oh, that's a simple fix!" Armin cried. "After work today, I'll take you to the mall and help you pick out some new clothes. My treat!"

"What?" I exclaimed. "I can't let you do that! We've only just met!"

"So?" Armin said. "I can already tell that we're going to be fast friends."

I squirmed slightly at his words. He may have thought that now, but once he got to know me, he'd realize how awful I really was. Still, he continued speaking.

"But if it really makes you that uncomfortable, you could pay me back after you get your first pay check."

I paused, thinking. His offer did make sense. I could pay him back as soon as I had enough money, and in the meantime, I would have the appropriate clothes to actually make said money. 

"I-I guess," I said shyly. I wasn't really sure how to react to his kindness. Nobody had gone out of his way to help me like this before. It was nice, but at the same time, a bit terrifying. I knew that as soon as the people here saw who I really was, they would go running and screaming, never speaking to me again.

"Great then!" Armin said with a smile. "I'll be back here right at 5 then. See you later, Eren!"

"See ya."

Armin waved and then continued down the hall to another office. After talking to Armin, I was feeling a little bit better. Maybe if I had the proper clothes, Levi would let me wear the hoodie over them. With that thought, I continued with my work, filing paperwork and setting up some of Levi's appointments. 

 

The day continued rather smoothly overall. My job was simple enough, but still required enough focus that I was able to keep my mind away from some of its darker thoughts. At about five till, I began packing up some of my paperwork to head home. However, before I could clock out and meet up with Armin, the phone rang. I sighed, picking it up to take the call.

"Good evening, this is Eren Jaeger from the Recon Corp., how may I help you?" I asked as politely as I could. A deep, husky voice greeted me on the other end of the line.

"Tell Levi that I'm coming down in ten minutes," the voice said.

"I'm sorry, who is this?"

"Tell him it's Reiner," the man breathed.

I glanced down at Levi's calendar. "I'm sorry sir, but Levi will actually be in a meeting in ten minutes, but perhaps I could schedule you for 5:25?"

"No!" the man growled. "Listen, kid, you must be new here, so lemme tell you how this usually goes. When I call and say I'm on my way, you cancel any of Levi's appointments for the next, hm, at least hour, and you tell him to prepare himself because I'm on my way."

"Um, hold on just a minute," I said hesitantly. I put his call on hold and then pressed the button on my phone to contact Levi over the speaker system.

"What the hell do you want?"

I flinched involuntarily at his tone, but made sure to keep my tone even.

"Some man called and he keeps telling me to cancel all of your appointments because he's coming over. Should I just hang up?"

"Shit, brat, don’t tell me you told him no!”

"I-well- I just told him to hang on," I said nervously.

"Did he tell you his name? Was it Bertolt Or Reiner? Or-"

"That was it!" I cut him off. "It's Reiner."

"And when did he say he'd be here?" Levi sounded almost... breathless?

I looked down at my watch. "Erm, in seven minutes now," I told him.

"Shit," he said again. "Okay, brat, do what he says. And in the future, if you ever get a call from Bert, Reiner, or Eld, just do what they say and then tell me immediately. Got it?"

"Yes, sir!" I said.

"And don't call me sir!" he hung up, and I switched the line back to Reiner.

"Um, I cleared Levi's schedule so you should be all set," I told him.

"Good," the man, Reiner, said. "I like you, kid. You get shit done." And then he too hung up the phone. 

 _What the fuck was all that?_ I thought to myself. _Who's Reiner? And Bert and Eld? And why are they so important that they get priority over anything Levi has on his schedule?_

 

A few minutes later, Armin returned.

"Hey, Eren! Are you ready to go?"

"Almost," I replied. "I just have to take care of a scheduling conflict for Levi, so I’m gonna be a little bit late. I could just meet you, if you want.”

"No, don’t worry about it. I’ll just wait for you in the lobby.”

"Oh, ah, thanks, Armin!”

Right as Armin was leaving, another man walked in. He was huge. His muscles rippled every time he moved his arms or legs. He had short blonde hair and broad shoulders. His eyes were narrowed, and overall, he simply screamed strength and power. He looked over at me as he walked in and grinned. My heart fluttered when we made eye contact. Even though he was kind of scary looking, his smile was absolutely dazzling.

"You must be the kid I spoke with on the phone," he remarked in a familiarly husky voice.

"Oh-oh! You must be Reiner," I stuttered. Damn it, what was wrong with me! "Shall I let Levi know you're here?"

"No need," he said casually and walked straight into the room. Once the door was closed, I sighed with relief. I really was not sure how many more hot guys I would be able to handle. And, based on Levi's previous words, it sounded like Reiner made regular appearances here, not to mention Bert and Eld, whoever they were. I wondered what they did here. Maybe they were major stockholders in the company or something. That would explain why they seemed to have so much power around here. And, at least Reiner was an obviously powerful man. He was so muscular, so stoic, I just wanted to… I groaned softly. I did not have time to be thinking about things like this. It's not like I would ever have someone to call my own. I was repulsive.

 

About fifteen minutes later, I stood to leave, but before I could make it out the door, I heard something that made me freeze.

"Rei-ahhhh!" The cry was broken off by a shrill moan coming from Levi's office.

"Jesus, Levi, you're so good," came Reiner's husky response.

 _Oh my god,_ I thought in horror. _Did I just cancel all of Levi's meetings so Reiner could fuck him?_  

"F-f-faster- OH FUCK!" the high-pitched moans continued as I realized with disgust that they belonged to Levi. I rushed out of the room without a second thought, not wanting to here another sound. My blood boiled in rage. I couldn't believe that I had to stay late rearranging Levi's schedule just so he could get fucked. I mean, it wasn't that late, but I had to get to the mall with Armin as quickly as I could so that I could get _home_ as quickly as I could. I did not want to know what Dad would do if I was home too late.

Still fuming, I made my way towards the stairs, jogging down the seventeen flights. There was no way in hell I was getting myself caught in that mother fucking elevator again. By the time I had made it all the way to the lobby, I had calmed down a bit, although I was completely out of breath. Armin did not comment on the fact that I had just run down seventeen flights of stairs, for which I was grateful. I really did like Armin a lot, which made me even more afraid to lose him. He simply smiled up at me as I walked towards him, panting, and it was in that moment that I decided that I would not let him walk away from me. I would make sure he never saw the darker sides of me. I was sure that I could do it. I managed to fool the people at my school, so how was this any different? With that thought, the two of us walked out of the building towards Armin's car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Any thoughts or suggestions?


	6. Levi's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty short chapter, but I've been crazy busy lately so I decided to just give you guys a little something. I try to get a chapter posted every week, but for the next couple of weeks, that may or may not happen. Just hang with me! I promise that I won't disappear for too long and I will definitely finish the fic.

I always felt just a bit ashamed of myself after spending an evening with one of my three regular fuck buddies. It’s not that I had a problem with any of them; frankly, nights with Bert, Reiner, or Eld were some of the best fucks I got. They were the only ones I ever bottomed with, and the only ones who were ever invited to come again. Regardless, when I had one-night stands with random models and then sent them on their way, I never had to worry about maintaining relationships or considering their feelings. My three regulars, though, I couldn’t just toss out. Fortunately, when I woke up the next morning, Reiner was already awake and fully dressed.

“Sorry to cut it short, babe,” he said when he saw that I was awake. “I have a meeting really early this morning so I’ve gotta get down to the office.”

I nodded, not in the mood to converse. Reiner and I had been having casual sex long enough for him to know that I was not a morning person. He simply smirked down at me before tying his tie and dashing out the door.

 

I arrived at the office at about 7:30 that morning. Since it was Sunday, most people wouldn’t be here today, but when I wasn’t a being a playboy, I was at work. Some people called me a workaholic, and maybe I was, but that didn’t stop me from coming in to the office if I had nothing better to do. There was always _something_ that needed to be done when you were running a company, and more often then not, something to be fixed from some employee’s incompetence the previous week.

Grumbling to myself, I sat down at my desk and began going over some files. I got lost in the monotony of the work, steadily writing in my notes until I was suddenly startled by the slamming of a door. I glared out the window of my office to see where the noise had come from and was greeted by the sight of Eren entering the floor from the door leading to the staircase. He was panting slightly and his hair stuck to his face with sweat.

 _Disgusting!_ I thought to myself.

“Jaeger!” I called, and he jumped, looking around wildly for the source of the voice. When he noticed me in my office, he grimaced slightly ( _the fuck?_ ) and then trudged over and stepped inside.

“Levi,” he greeted, although his voice was lacking the cheery vibe from the previous day. He sounded almost… cold. I shrugged it off. I didn’t give a fuck if my employees liked me or not, so long as they got their work done. My eyes shifted downwards to study his outfit of choice and I glared. I _did_ , however, care if my employees decided not to follow instructions.

“I thought I told you not to wear that hobo hoodie to work anymore,” I said acidly.

He frowned before reluctantly pulling the bulky wad of fabric over his head. As he removed the hoodie, his shirt rode up ever so slightly, and I found myself staring at the small spot of golden tan skin showing just above his hips. His stomach was small, but surprisingly muscular, and I wondered if it felt as firm as it looked. Wait, what? No I didn’t! I quickly jerked my eyes back up to his face, and fortunately, he was still struggling to get his hoodie over his head, so he hadn’t noticed my staring. Not that I was staring.

“There,” he snapped once he finally got the hoodie off. “Happy now?”

“Oi,” I said. “Watch your tone. And yes, that is better.” I eyed his clothed skeptically, but was pleasantly surprised to find that beneath the hoodie, he was actually dressed rather nicely. He wore a black button up that hugged his figure nicely, showing off his slightly muscular body that had previously been hidden beneath the bulky hoodie. He was wearing a simple pair of jeans and no tie, but he pulled the look off well. If he just tamed his hair a bit, he would actually look fairly professional. There was just one problem.

“Why the fuck are you sweating so much? You stained you shirt.”

Eren looked down at the large dark stains around his arms and blushed. “Oh, erm, I guess that’s from running up all those stairs.”

“You took the stairs? Why didn’t you just take the goddamn elevator? That’s why we have the fucking thing.”

If possible, Eren blushed even more, his cheeks and ears staining bright pink. It was actually quite endearing. Not that Eren, my hobo intern, could look endearing, but still. “I don’t really like elevators,” he admitted.

“Tch,” I said. “Well, either get over it or make sure to bring an extra shirt in to work.” I paused before adding, “and some deodorant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos and comments! <3


	7. Eren's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren continues at the Recon Corp. and all seems to be going well until his dad comes home from his business trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated earlier than I though I would! Yay! It's a pretty long chapter too. I really should have been doing my homework, but what can I say; I'm a procrastinator. Oh well.

Damn Levi and his stupid rules. Damn his stupid face and his stupid clothes. Why couldn’t he just let me wear the clothes that I wanted to? As soon as he dismissed me from his office, I returned to my desk with my hoodie in my hands. I felt naked without it, like anybody could see right into my very soul. I got to work, trying to lose myself in the tedium of the simple work, but I couldn’t help but feel on edge. Every slight noise made me jump, clutching my arms to hide the already covered scars. I felt helpless without my hoodie. It was like I had simply lost all control.

“Brat, hurry the fuck up with those files I asked for,” Levi barked from the opened door of his office at around ten o’ clock. I flinched.

“Sorry, sir,” I called back to him, slightly shakily.

“It’s Levi, damnit, not sir, _Levi!_ ”

“Agh, sorry!” I cried yet again.

“And quit apologizing. It’s getting on my nerves.”

I groaned, rubbing my eyes with my hands. No matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough for Levi. He was impossible! I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I _had_ to do this. I had to prove that I could make it through this job at least until the end of senior year without being fired or running away myself. That’s what Mom would have wanted. She would tell me to fight through my own emotions and Levi’s shitty leadership (I mean, seriously, fucking on company time!) and prove that I was the best damned intern that Levi would ever have. I mean, I wasn’t, but I sure as hell could pretend that I was. I schooled my expression into one of determination and then continued with my work.

 

The next month was fairly standard. During the week, I spent most of my time at school studying and catching up on homework from the previous weekend. On the weekends, I biked to work and focused all of my energy on each assignment Levi gave me. I rarely wasted time with small talk or trying to get to know any of the other employees. However, I did usually spend my lunch breaks with Armin, and the two of us were actually becoming pretty close. He had introduced me to a few other people around the office and I felt fairly comfortable around the small group. I always put on my cheerful mask, and nobody seemed to realize that I was only pretending. Nobody, that is, but Levi. For whatever reason, I had trouble maintaining my façade in front of him. He would give me that piercing look with his icy blue eyes, and I would always falter, showing him glimpses of my true self.

The fact that Levi could get to me so easily terrified me. I just didn’t understand it. There were plenty of people who were rude or cold towards me. Hell, I deserved all of it. But for some reason, when it came from Levi, I just found myself closing in on myself even more. Maybe it was because, in a weird sort of way, I actually respected him. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he was a total asshole, but I admired his work ethic. Every now and then, he had me rearrange his meetings so that he could “meet” with hot models, and that pissed me off to no end, but somehow, even after fooling around, he managed to get all of his work done.

And yet, no matter what I did, Levi wasn’t satisfied. He always found something to criticize, and never hesitated to call me every foul name that he could think of. Regardless, I held my head high and just accepted the brutal treatment. At the end of the day, I knew that it was selfish of me to want Levi’s respect. I was a shameful excuse of a human being, and I should just be thankful that I had a job at all.

 

The Saturday before winter break, I came into work fifteen minutes early as had become my custom. I shut myself in a bathroom stall to change both my sweaty shirt and my bloody bandages. When I returned to my desk, I began mentally going over what I had to get accomplished that day. I opened up my calendar and audibly gulped when I saw the large red words scribbled on today’s date.

 _Shit, I forgot_ , I thought. _Dad’s coming home today_.

Dad had been gone for the past three weeks. He often left for extended periods of time, treating patients across the country. I was always incredibly thankful when his work kept him away from home. It gave me a chance to recuperate enough for whenever he returned without doing something I would regret. Unfortunately, the timing of this business trip had been pretty unlucky for me. I had only been working for Recon Corp. for one week when Dad had left, meaning that I had only actually worked for one weekend. Since then, my schedule had changed significantly as I tried to balance both my schoolwork and my Recon work. So Dad would not be used to me being out for entire weekends. Not only that, but according to his flight information, Dad would be back home by mid-afternoon today, and I did not even want to think about what he might do to me if I wasn’t home when he returned. I shivered at the thought. There was only one option. I rose slowly from my seat, pulling off my hoodie and setting it down on my desk as I went. I had taken to bringing my hoodie to work and putting it on as soon as Levi wasn’t looking. I had been caught a few times, and he had been furious when he saw me wearing it, giving me a look that I swore could cut through steel, but I just couldn’t stop. I needed my hoodie.

After my hoodie was safely stowed behind some papers, I shuffled across the hall toward Levi’s office and knocked on the door.

“Fuck off,” came Levi’s usual terse monotone.

“Levi, I really need to talk to you,” I pleaded. “It’ll be quick, I promise.”

“Fine, get in here, but if you waste my time, I swear to god…” he trailed off, allowing his threat to remain unsaid.

Cautiously, I pushed the door open and was greeted by Levi’s typically blank expression. He was sitting at his desk, shuffling through a large stack of paperwork and wearing a pair of thin reading glasses. The glasses brought out the sharp edges of his face in an almost attractive, wait what? Pushing whatever that thought was to the back of my mind, I pressed on until I was right in front of his desk, and then spoke. Knowing that Levi hated beating around the bush, I cut straight to the chase.

“I-I need to leave work early today,” I said, trying to sound confident, but, as usual, my nervous stutter betrayed me.

“No,” Levi said, not even bothering to look up from his work as he made a mark on one of the pages.

“What?” I cried, outraged. He hadn’t even asked me why! “But I need to!”

“You have a commitment to this company,” Levi drawled. He paused, and then added, “But if it’s really important, I suppose I could hear you out. Why do you think that I should allow you to leave work early today?”

“It’s none of your fucking business!” I spat out, feeling the anger growing within me. Finally, Levi looked up, his expression still blank, but his eyes seemed to glow with dangerous energy.

“What was that?” he said slowly.

“I said it’s none of your fucking business,” I repeated. I unconsciously scratched at the material of my shirt above my cuts with my right hand while my left hand clenched the wood of Levi’s desk. Before I could even blink, Levi was standing upright, walking around his desk to face me. His height would have been humorous if it weren’t for the absolutely murderous glare that he was aiming at me. I should have been terrified, should have run for my life, but by this point, I was too far-gone. Levi had pushed me to my breaking point, continuing to feed the fire that had been growing within me since the beginning of my internship until I couldn’t hold it in any longer and exploded with rage.

I had always had problems controlling my temper. It was actually a trait that I shared with Mom. Both of us would hold in our emotions for as long as we possibly could until the excess of feelings would overflow. By the time we finally let out our feelings, we would be so angry that neither of us would be able to control ourselves. Whenever both Mom and I let out our feelings at the same time, the results were cataclysmic. But I didn’t want to reflect on those memories right now.

I held Levi’s glare, physically shaking with the animal rage consuming my body,

“Do you really have the _audacity_ to believe that you can just waltz into my office and demand to leave early without giving me any sort of explanation?” Levi’s voice was dangerously low, and absolutely dripping with venom.

“Maybe I do,” I replied, my voice rising in volume. Levi opened his mouth to speak, taking another step closer to me, tilting his head upwards slightly as he looked me dead in the eyes, but before he could speak, I reached out and shoved him as hard as I could away from me. He had been too close to me and I reacted on instinct. Levi’s eyes widened in shock before narrowing in fury.

“Get the fuck out of my office and I swear to Buddha or Jesus or Satan that if you leave early today, I will make it my mission to ensure that you never manage to get any job or opportunity for the rest of your miserable, pathetic life again.”

At that moment, I snapped out of my blind rage and my eyes widened in terror as I realized what I had just done. I let out a small squeak and fled back to my desk. I jumped as Levi slammed his door closed behind me and stalked back to his own desk.

_Why did I do that? Why did I ever even assume that he would let me leave work early? I should have known he wouldn’t. Why would he let his worst employee have a half day for no reason?_

After I was sure that Levi was no longer looking out of his office, I threw my hoodie back over my head. I sighed slightly as my skin came into contact with the comforting material. I scratched my arms subconsciously, wishing I could escape into the bathroom, but I knew that if I stood, Levi would assume I was leaving and fire me on the spot. I couldn’t let that happen. I had to stick with this internship. For my future. For Mom.

 

At a little past three o’ clock, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I startled slightly before pulling it out and unlocking the screen. It was from Mikasa. She only ever texted me nowadays if something was seriously wrong, so I paled when I saw her name appear. I held my breath as I quickly read the message.

**Mikasa: Dad was home almost an hour ago. Where are you?**

I glanced up to make sure that Levi wasn’t watching and then typed out a quick response.

**You: I’m at work. I won’t be home for a few hours.**

I waited anxiously for Mikasa’s reply, hoping that she would tell me that Dad had passed out drunk or something.

**Mikasa: You have a job?**

I ground my teeth in frustration. I knew that Mikasa and my relationship had seriously deteriorated since Mom’s death, but I didn’t realize that she hadn’t even noticed that I had been working every weekend for the past month.

**You: Yes, I have a job. I’ve been working at Recon Corporation for the past month. But that doesn’t matter right now. What’s the situation with Dad?**

Mikasa did not know that Dad beat me. She was always in her room when she was home, and I was always extremely careful to hide my cuts and bruises. That was actually some of the reason why we had grown so far apart. I was afraid that if I was too friendly with her or if she found out about the abuse that Dad would hurt her as well, and she didn’t deserve that. I deserved every beating that I got, but I wasn’t going to allow her to get lumped in. I carried the burden on my own.

**Mikasa: He’s really pissed. He thinks you ran away and since I didn’t know where you were, he accused me of helping you.**

_Shit_ , I thought to myself. _He can’t hurt her. I need to get home._

**You: Mikasa, stay in your room. Don’t talk to him. I’ll be home as soon as I can.**

I didn’t wait for a response. I knew she would probably argue with me or try to ask me what exactly was going on, but I didn’t have time for that. I needed to get home to her as fast as possible. Filled with determination, I jumped up from my desk and swung open the door to Levi’s office, not bothering to take off my hoodie or knock. As soon as he saw me, he looked like he was about to lose his shit, but I didn’t give him the chance.

“Levi, I’m leaving right now. I have somewhere I need to be. But I’ll be back before the end of the work day.” And with that, I turned on my heels and sprinted to the stairs, taking three steps at a time as I charged towards the bottom floor. I reached my bike and jumped on, peddling harder than I ever had in my life. Even though Mikasa and I had a horrible relationship, she was still the only real family that I had left, and I loved her more than I could even express. Every time I started to feel tired, I would imagine Mikasa’s beaten and broken face if Dad got to her before I made it home and that was enough to invigorate me as I pushed forward.

I was home in record time and I threw my bike on the floor as I sprinted across the driveway and into the house.

“I’m home!” I shouted, but then froze as I was thrown against the closed door, a large, sweaty hand pressed against my throat.

“Where the fuck were you,” Dad spat in my face, his breath reeking of alcohol.

“I was at work,” I gasped, clawing at his hands as I fought for breath. He let go of me but did not move back, so I was still trapped between him and the door.

“Dad, he said he was at work just like I said! So he didn’t run away,” Mikasa’s voice came from behind Dad, and I breathed a sigh of relief to hear that although she sounded a bit shocked and upset, she was otherwise fine. Dad hadn’t gotten to her.

“Shut the fuck up, Mikasa,” Dad growled. “I thought at least _you_ had decent manners. Do I need to teach you a lesson too?”

“Mikasa, please,” I begged. “Go up to your room. This doesn’t involve you.” I heard a small whimper, but then the sound of feet pounding up the stairs as she escaped. _Thank God!_ But my relief didn’t last long. Dad quickly turned away from where Mikasa had been standing to face me again.

“Now that she’s gone, I’m going to ask you one more time. Where were you? And don’t tell me you were at work. We both know that nobody in their right mind would give a useless piece of shit like you a job.”

“But I was at work!” I insisted.

“Liar!” he roared before his fist made impact with my cheek. I screamed in agony, clutching my hand to my face, but he wasn’t done yet. He continued to barrel me with punches, bellowing, “You’re a screw up! You’re a failure! You’re worthless, useless, disgusting! You were a mistake! I WISH YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!” The attack continued, the minutes stretching on as I feebly tried to defend myself, failing miserably. Punch after punch connected with my face, chest, and stomach. Finally, in a burst of adrenaline, I lifted my knee into his groin and he jumped back, howling in pain. I used that split second of distraction to sprint past him, thundering up the stairs and into my bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind me. Just as I was about to throw myself onto my bed, I flinched back in terror as I caught sight of another person already sitting on my bed.

“Eren,” the person said, and I sighed in relief as I realized that it was just Mikasa. I sunk down to the floor against the door and put my chin between my knees.

“Mikasa,” I responded, internally frowning at how broken my voice sounded.

“He hit you,” she said simply, still sitting on the bed, her voice even.

“Yeah,” I said lamely.

“How long has this been happening?”

“Since the end of sophomore year,” I admitted, and suddenly, Mikasa’s calm exterior broke, her body shaking slightly as she choked out,

“And I was never there for you,” before breaking down into tears.

“Kasa!” I cried, standing up and joining her on my bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “Please don’t cry.”

“I should be the one comforting you,” she sobbed. “How did I let this happen? And right after Mom-”

I cut her off with a finger to her mouth. “Mikasa, please, it’s not your fault, I promise. I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want him to turn on you also. This was my battle to fight.”

“But Eren! You’ve been suffering this whole time and I never once even came out of my room to check on you! And then today, I _saw_ what was happening and I still just stood there, staring.”

“No, Kasa, that’s good, I didn’t want you to get involved! He would have just hurt you too!” She looked up at me, then grabbed my face, pulling it closer to her as she examined the bruises.

“We need to get you cleaned up,” she sniffed, wiping her eyes as she went straight into business mode. She stood to unlock the door, but I stopped her.

“Wait, don’t open the door. Dad could still be out there. Look here,” I said, standing and moving to my dresser. I opened it and rummaged through some of the clothes, pulling a first aide kit out of the back.

“I keep an extra in here in case of… situations like this,” I said carefully, not mentioning that I also used it to clean up wounds on my arms. She nodded and took the kit from me, opening it up and selecting some medicine for my bruises.

“Thank you for helping me,” I whispered after a few minutes of silence as she spread the ointment over my chest. I was careful to keep my scarred arms hidden beneath my sheets.

“Eren,” she whispered back. “I wish I had been here for you for all of these years. I can’t believe I didn’t even know you had a job! At Recon Corp. no less!”

“Shit!” I exclaimed, jumping up as she mention Recon Corp. “I forgot, I have to get back to work!”

“What? No! Not after all of this. Just call in sick or something. You can’t go to work right now!” Mikasa said.

“You don’t get it,” I said. “My boss, Levi, is insane. I might already be fired for coming home early today, but I was afraid that Dad would do something to you if I didn’t get home as soon as possible.”

“If he’s so crazy then why don’t you just quit?”

“I… I can’t. Not yet. Please try to understand, Mikasa. This job is really important to me.”

She frowned. “I guess. I don’t like this Levi guy, but I won’t stand in your way. But… I’ll wait up for you so we can talk later tonight if that’s okay…” she said almost shyly.

“Of course,” I smiled at her slightly before throwing my hoodie on over my work shirt.

“Wait,” she said. “Let me go and see if Dad is still around.” She crept out of my room and slipped quietly down the stairs before returning to my room, saying, “He’s passed out cold, but I’m gonna leave your light on so it looks like you’re still home if he wakes up,”

“Good idea,” I replied before slipping out of my room and down the stairs. I paused for a second before leaving the house and whispered up to my sister, “Thank you, Mikasa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy? Comment and kudo me! <3


	8. Levi's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren returns to work. Levi is not happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update in just three days! I'm on fire this week!

“God damn it Erwin you fucking bastard, this intern is gonna be the death of me! Why the fuck did you send him to me? What the fuck do you see in him?” I spat.

Erwin chuckled, he fucking chuckled, into the phone before responding.

“Eren is certainly an interesting one. What did he do this time? Mess up your laundry?”

“This isn’t funny, Eyebrows! The fucking brat came into my office this morning and said he had to go home early, but when I asked why, he wouldn’t fucking tell me. So of course I said no, but then, get this, the punk _shoved_ me, in my own office, no less, and then stormed out of the room. Then, at like two o’ clock, he goes into my office again, says ‘bye,’ and leaves!”

“He quit?” Erwin asked, suddenly sounding much more serious.

“Like I fucking know what that kid is up to. He said he would be back by the end of the work day, but who knows. It’s already 5:20 anyways, so I doubt he’s coming back. Fuck him.”

“Levi, he’s just a boy.”

“What, so now you want me to go easy on him? Treat him differently than I treat _every other member of my goddamn team_?” I growled.

“No, treat him like an adult but-”

“Then he’d better act like an adult. If he doesn’t come back today though, you can bet your caterpillar eyebrows that he’s fired. In fact, even if he does come back today, I still might fire him!” I ranted before slamming the phone down. Right as I was hanging up the phone, the door to the staircase swung open, and none other than Eren fucking Jaeger, the shitty brat, walked onto the floor. As soon as he was back at his desk, I picked up my phone and spoke over the intercom.

“Jaeger, get your shitty ass in here, _now_.”

Eren jumped, his eyes widening in terror but he stood and raced towards my office, letting himself in.

“G-g-good evening, Levi,” the brat stuttered, and I almost, but not really, felt sorry for him. He looked so small and fragile, like a deer or a- wait a minute…

“Why the fuck are you wearing that hoodie? And with the hood pulled up too!” I demanded, momentarily losing my train of thought.

“Oh, uh, I just thought maybe I could wear it for the rest of the day,” he mumbled.

“Like hell you can! After that stunt you pulled,” I said, my voice rising in anger.

“Please,” Eren begged, and it was only then that I realized that his entire body was physically shaking, and that his voice was cracked. He sounded so… broken. I paused, unsure of exactly what to do. He just looked so vulnerable, but I couldn’t really tell exactly what was going through his head. I decided to just skip the hoodie issue for the time being.

“Why did you leave the office after I explicitly told you not to?” I barked instead.

“Well actually,” he said almost confidently. ( _Damn that brat and his insane mood shifts!_ ) “You told me not to take a half day. But I didn’t. I just left for a few hours, but now I’m back.” I frowned. The stupid brat was always switching between way too fucking happy to fragile and broken to cocky and confident. I didn’t know how the fuck to deal with him and it terrified me. I was usually the master of controlling and even manipulating people. I could read people like an open book, and I always knew exactly how to take control of a situation. With Eren, however, I was completely in the dark. I had no idea what the fuck was going through his head at any given moment or how he really felt about anything. It was aggravating trying to figure him out. I would think that I had finally caught on to him, but then he would just shift and change all over again. It was like trying to identify a caterpillar only for it to transform into a butterfly.

“Whatever,” I growled, annoyed with both him and myself. “Just tell me where the fuck you went and why it was so important that you thought you could just ditch work for it.”

“I went home,” he said calmly.

“You went… home? You better not be lying to me, you shitty brat.”

“I’m not,” he said. “I went home, took care of something, and then came back.”

“Well what were you doing then?” I said, quickly losing my patience.

“Just something,” he said again.

“God damn it brat I swear to god, if you don’t tell me why you left work for three and a half fucking hours today I will not hesitate to fire you.”

“You wouldn’t fire me,” he said, though his voice had lost its cockiness. It sounded almost like a question now. “Principal Smith would be annoyed…”

“Well fuck him!” I yelled, glad to finally have the upper hand in the conversation. “This is my company. I’ll do whatever I damn well feel like. It’s not like you’d be missed. There are plenty of other stupid kids I could get to do your job for you. You’re nothing special.” I had expected him to get upset or defensive at my, frankly, completely false insults, but instead he just hung his head a bit.

“I know,” he whispered, but he didn’t really seem to be talking to me anymore. Suddenly, his cellphone began ringing in his back pocket, and he looked up, startled.

“C-can I take this?” he asked me.

“Fine, but stay here. I’m not finished with you yet.”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and put it up to his ear.

“Mikasa?” he answered. I didn’t recognize that name. It sounded Asian. His girlfriend, perhaps? I bristled at the thought. Wait; why the fuck did I care if he had a girlfriend? Chances were pretty good that he did. I mean, besides his weird mood swings and messy clothes and hair, the brat was fucking gorgeous. Not that I was paying attention, but still.

“I’m sorry, I was in a meeting so I didn’t see your texts,” Eren was saying to the girl. “Yes, yes it’s with him.” Eren looked embarrassed and he glanced up at me. “No, I’m fine, I haven’t been fired… yet… I don’t know, maybe I will be!” Although he sounded frustrated, the volume of his voice had dropped significantly until he was almost whispering into the phone. I had to strain my ears to catch the conversation. For purely business reasons, of course.

“No, Kasa, all I’m saying is that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I was fired. Maybe it would be better. Fuck, I don’t know… No, I don’t want to, I really fucking like this job, but, well… Dad…” Eren trailed off, his eyes distant. “I gotta go, Kasa, but I’ll try to be home soon. But, if it gets too late, just go to bed, okay? Don’t wait up for me. Yeah, okay. I love you too, Kasa. Bye.” Eren hung up his phone and slipped it back into his pocket.

“Girlfriend?” I asked before I had even realized that I had opened my mouth.

“No,” Eren responded, his eyes still distant. “Sister. Don’t have time for a girlfriend.”

I let out a breath that I hadn’t even realized I was holding in. So he didn’t have a girlfriend. But why did that make me feel so relieved? I considered the rest of the conversation I had overheard. Why did he think it might be better if he was fired? He had made it pretty clear that he wanted this job, but now he wanted to be fired?

 _I swear, this kid makes no sense_ , I thought to myself in exasperation.

“Well,” I said finally and Eren snapped out of his daydream. “If you’re not going to tell me what you were doing, then just go back to your desk. You have work to do.” Eren looked up at me in shock.

“Y-you’re not going to fire me?”

“Not this time,” I sighed. “But go get back to work before I change my mind. And if you’re wearing that hoodie tomorrow, I can promise you, I will not be nearly as lenient.”

Eren squeaked, and jumped up, running back to his desk like some adorable lost little kitten. I watched him work for a few minutes until my phone rang. Eren must have transferred a call to me.

“Hey, baby,” came a deep, husky voice. “I’m in the area today and I was thinking about dropping on by.”

“Not today, Eld,” I said distractedly as I continued to watch the brat take phone calls. “I’m not really feeling up to it.”

“Are you serious?” Eld said in disbelief. “Levi, you’ve never turned me down before! What if I brought Reiner along with me, eh? We haven’t done _that_ in a while.”

“I said not today.”

“Whatever, I guess,” Eld replied. “Your loss.” And he hung up. Eren opened my door right after I hung up, scowling slightly.

“When should I say Mr. Jinn is coming?” he asked coldly. I frowned at his tone, but chose to ignore it.

“He’s not,” I told him.

“Oh, then should I assume you’ll be leaving early?” Eren asked, still with that weird tone of voice.

“No, brat, I’m not meeting with Eld today!” Eren’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, but he quickly masked it, smiling at me instead.

“Good! Then I guess I won’t have to worry about rearranging your schedule,” he chirped before turning and walking back to his desk. I turned and watched as he left, vaguely wondering what the fuck was wrong with him and what the fuck was wrong with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how you liked it with comments and kudos!
> 
> <3


	9. Eren's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter Break!!!

I arrived home from work pretty late that night since I had missed so much time in the middle. I crept into the house and fortunately Dad had already gone to bed. When I went into my room, I was surprised to see that Mikasa was still up waiting for me.

“Kasa! You should be asleep by now!”

“I wanted to wait up for you to make sure you were okay,” she said stubbornly, but then added more softly, “to make up for all those years that I didn’t.” I reached across my bed to hug her, burying my face in her neck.

“Mikasa, we both screwed up, but we’re still family, right? I love you more than anything; don’t ever forget that.” Mikasa nodded.

“So, did your boss fire you?” she asked, her face hardening slightly at the thought of Levi.

“Actually no,” I replied. “He let me off easy this time. He actually seemed pretty distracted today, so I guess I just got really lucky.”

“Well regardless, you just say the word and I’ll totally kick his ass for you.” I smiled at my sister.

“I’ll let you know if it comes to that,” I joked. “But for now, we should probably get some rest. I have work tomorrow and then we both have finals all next week.” Mikasa nodded in agreement and stood to go.

“Oh, Kasa, do you think you could help me with something tomorrow morning before I have to go to work?” I asked, suddenly thinking of something.

“Anything,” she said.

“Well, to be honest, my face is a little, er, discolored, but I promised Levi that I wouldn’t wear my hoodie to work, so I’m gonna need to cover up the marks somehow.”

“Of course,” Mikasa said. “I’ll get up nice and early and help you cover it with some of my makeup. Goodnight, Eren.”

“Goodnight, Mikasa.” I laid awake for awhile longer, thinking. I wasn’t sure why Levi didn’t fire me to be honest, and I wasn’t quite sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Lately, work at Recon had been more detrimental to me in general. It pissed off Dad and it was just hard for me to keep my cool while at work. If my boss were anyone but Levi, I probably would have been fine, but, as per usual with my luck, I got stuck with the asshole boss. Eventually, I drifted off into a restless sleep full of images of bloody fists and cold, silver, narrowed eyes.

 

The next morning, as promised, Mikasa helped me cover my face and then told me that she would convince Dad that I was getting extra tutoring at school when he woke up. Work was dull, but I was glad. Neither Levi nor I mentioned the events of the previous day and I just went about my business without trouble. At the very end of the day, Levi called me into his office.

“So, brat, this is your last weekend before the end of the first semester, right?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“And next semester, you will be coming in ever day, correct?”

“Yes, as many days as you want me to.”

“Good,” Levi said. “Well then, you may as well take your usual winter break off, but then as soon as the break is over, instead of going to school, I will expect you here every Monday through Friday from 8 to 5. For now, no need to worry about weekends, but I might occasionally need you to come in, in which case I would let you know ahead of time.”

“Alright, that sounds good,” I said.

“That’s all,” Levi said. I awkwardly exited his office and packed up my belongings. I was glad to have some time off, but I was not at all looking forward to the next two weeks stuck at home with Dad every day. As I was leaving the office, a familiar blonde head followed after me, calling my name.

“Eren! Wait up!”

“Oh, hi Armin,” I said, slowing down so he could catch up to me as the two of us made our way towards the stairs. Armin and I had spent quite a bit of time together over the past month, especially because my Dad had been away for so long. I had learned quite a bit about him, like how he was working here at the Recon Corp. just for this year to save up for college and that he would be going to a very prestigious school once he had enough money. In turn, I had shared a bit about myself with him too. I never let him know anything about my family or any of my darker secrets, but I did let him in enough so he knew how I ended up at Recon and my general likes and dislikes.

“So, you get the next two weeks off, huh? Pretty lucky!” he said.

“Yeah,” I lied. “It’ll be nice to have some time to relax.”

“You get all that time off?!” came a familiar neigh from behind us on the stairs. I turned and saw that we were being followed by another worker at the Corp. named Jean. I had gotten to know Jean as well as a few other employees through Armin, and when I really sat down to think about it, realized that I actually had a solid group of friends. Armin and I were by far the closest, but I could also call Jean, Marco, Sasha, Connie, Christa, and Ymir friends. The six of us were all lower level workers for the Corp. and we were all either students or saving money for school. We were an odd group of friends with a weird mixture of personalities, but I loved each and every one of them. I had never had a large group of people like this who I knew cared about me, and I was still a bit of an outsider in the group, but it was a start.

“Yup,” I told Jean. “But then starting next semester, I’ll be working every day, not just on weekends.”

“Maybe we could try to hang out one weekend before you have to come back to work,” Armin offered. I felt my heart soar. Even though it had been a month, it still made me feel amazing whenever Armin demonstrated an actual desire to maintain a friendship with me.

“That’s a great idea!” I exclaimed, but then I paused. “Well, it might be a little bit hard because my dad just got back in town and he, um, might want to, er, spend some time together as a family, but I’ll text you if any of my time opens up.”

Armin nodded. “That’s fine. I understand. The holidays are a time to spend as a family.” I grimaced slightly, but covered it with a cough.

“Yo, but make sure to text us, yeah Jaeger?” Jean added. “You’re in the group chat, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll make sure to stay in contact.”           

And the three of us headed our separate ways, me to my bike, Jean to the bus stop, and Armin to his own car.

 

Winter break was torture. Dad beat me almost every day, and although it was a huge improvement having Mikasa’s support, it still wasn’t enough to keep me from spiraling deeper and deeper into my depression. Several times, Mikasa said we needed to call the police, but I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want the whole city to see me as the weak, broken boy that I was, and I also didn’t want Mikasa and me to be separated. I figured we only had half a year left at home anyways and then we could move on with our lives. Until then, I would just tough it out. Mikasa still didn’t know about my self-harm, and I planned to keep it that way. I could already sense that she pitied me because of the abuse, and I didn’t think I would be able to stand it if she knew about my self-inflicted abuse as well. So I continued to keep myself guarded and wear my hoodie all day, every day.

 

On Christmas Night, things took a turn for the worse. I had convinced Mikasa to spend the evening with her friend’s family because I knew she would have more fun there and I promised her that I would prefer to just stay in my room alone anyways. At about seven in the evening, I went downstairs to grab myself a pop tart, and found myself face to face with Dad. He had obviously been drinking for a good part of the day, and was completely drunk by then.

“What do you want, shithead?” he slurred as he rounded the corner into the kitchen.

“I’m just getting a snack,” I squeaked.

“And who gave you permission to eat?” he shouted, face turning red. I couldn’t speak. He was moving closer and closer toward me, backing me into the corner of the room. “Well?” he roared. “Answer me!” But I couldn’t. All I could do was tremble in fear and wait for him to disappear. In a mad rage, he slammed me against the wall and kicked my legs, causing me to crumple to the ground in pain.

“I SAID ANSWER ME!” he bellowed, picking up an empty bottle on the counter and slamming it into my face. I shrieked in pain as the glass bottle broke, ripping shreds of skin from my face.

“YOU’RE GETTING MY FLOOR DIRTY WITH YOUR BLOOD!” Dad yelled, completely consumed by his drunken fury. “YOU WASTE OF SPACE! YOU USELESS SACK OF GARBAGE!” With each new insult, he slammed a fist into my body, barreling me back and forth. Finally, he exhausted himself, and with a final scream of rage, exited the room.

Barely conscious, I gingerly tried to lift myself up, and after several painstaking attempts, managed to get myself upright. Before I had time to really think about it, I stumbled to the door and let myself outside. I wandered aimlessly for as long as I could before the adrenaline pumping through my veins began to fade and the sharp, searing pain coursing through my body seemed to multiply in its intensity. With the last of my remaining strength, I managed to get myself to a bench before losing consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a bit more trouble finding time to write lately, but I'm doing my best, don't worry! Thanks for reading and be sure to leave kudos and comments. <3


	10. Levi's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a pretty short chapter but I've had an insane amount of work lately and I just wanted to be able to get something posted this week. You might think that Levi seems out of character here, but I like to think that he's actually really sappy when nobody's looking...

On Christmas morning, I woke up at around noon, because I had nowhere to be and nothing to do. I groaned as I slowly opened my eyes, allowing myself to adjust to the brightness of my bedroom before sitting up and checking my phone.

“God damn it, 47 new messages,” I grumbled to myself as I scrolled through my texts. There were a few simple Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday texts from coworkers, about four or five texts from Erwin asking about our plans for the evening, and 39 messages from Hanji.

 _Typical_ , I thought to myself as I deleted all of the texts from her without even bothering to read them. After lazing about for a bit longer, I finally got out of bed and showered, brushed my teeth, and combed my hair. I made myself a simple plate of eggs for breakfast and sat down on the couch to read the newspaper. If all went according to plan, I would do absolutely nothing for the entire day. But, as usual, nothing ever goes according to plan.

 

After what felt like years of socializing with Erwin and Hanji, who insisted on taking me out for my birthday, I finally made it back home to my comfortable apartment by 7:15. Still, after such a long time interacting with other human beings, I was feeling irritable, and decided to go outside and take a walk to try to clear my head. I threw on a sweater and wrapped my scarf around my neck before locking up my apartment and heading outside.

I’ve always loved taking walks in the evening. It always leaves me feeling calm and peaceful. I don’t have to worry about running a company or entertaining people or anything; it’s just me and the city.

Unfortunately, on this particular walk, I found myself thinking about something that I had been thinking about a lot lately. Something that I kept trying to push out of my head but just couldn’t seem to do. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about Eren. The way his eyes would light up with determination. The way he would blush and rub his hand through his hair whenever he was embarrassed. The way he would work so hard every single day, going above and beyond my expectations. But then also, the way he would look down at the floor whenever anyone addressed him. The way he would shrink away if he was nervous. And then finally, the way he always seemed to look at me, especially if he thought I wasn’t paying attention, a look full of contempt and disgust. I just wished I understood him. He was a mystery.

After about half an hour, I found myself at a pleasant little park and decided to sit down for a bit. I casually walked across the grass towards an empty bench, but once I was nearer to the bench, I realized that someone was lying on it. I was about to simply walk away to find an unoccupied bench when I realized that I recognized that hoodie. That was the hoodie that Eren always seemed to insist on wearing.

 _Oh my god it’s Eren Is he_ actually _a hobo?_ I wondered as I continued walking towards him. But he didn’t look like he was sleeping on the bench. Rather, he looked like he had collapsed there.

“Jaeger!” I snapped once I was close enough for him to hear me, but he didn’t even stir. I took another step forward and was horrified with the sight that greeted me. Eren was literally passed out across the bench, his face only partially covered by the hood of his jacket. His expression was twisted in some sort of grimace and there were black and purple bruises all over his face. The worst part, though, was on his right cheek where the skin the torn and peeling and dripping blood all the way down his neck.

“Eren, wake up!” I cried, slightly panicked. I may not have been a very nice person, but I was still human, and seeing my own employee sprawled out and bleeding on a park bench did not sit well with me. When he did not respond, I quickly moved right up to him and pressed a finger against his neck. Once I had confirmed that he did still have a pulse, I took off my own scarf, using it to try to stop some of the bleeding on his face. Then, once I had him as wrapped up as I could, I scooped him up into my arms (he was surprisingly heavy for such a seemingly scrawny boy) and quickly began the walk back to my apartment.

 

Once back at my house, I immediately laid Eren down on my bed and pulled his hoodie off of his head so he didn’t get too warm. However, once I had the piece of clothing off of him, I dropped it in horror as I took in the state of his arms. Both of his arms were literally covered in scars, some long and some short, some fresh and some fading, some straight, and some jagged. They were everywhere.

“Eren,” I whispered to my unconscious employee. “Did you do this to yourself?” But I didn’t have much time to ponder. I went into my bathroom and retrieved a first aid kit and then got to work cleaning and bandaging all of his cuts and bruises. Once I had him as cleaned up as I could, I sat down in the chair next to my bed.

“Who did this to you?” I wondered, gesturing at his face. “Did you get mugged? Or… are you being abused?” I closed my eyes. “And your arms. Why would you do that to yourself? Are you that unhappy? Don’t you know how amazing you are? How smart, and talented, and determined, and gorgeous?” At this point, I was just rambling, just letting out every thought I’ve ever had about the boy that I had always pushed away. I moved the chair closer to the bed and gently rubbed a hand through his hair. I wasn’t really sure where all of this tenderness was coming from, but seeing Eren so alone, so broken, snapped something inside of me. I knew I was hard on him; I was hard on everyone, and although he didn’t seem to mind too much when I pushed him, taking most everything I said with that cheeky grin of his, I couldn’t help but to wonder if perhaps I should have at least tried to get to know him a little better like Erwin was always insisting. Who was Eren Jaeger, really?

I continued petting his surprisingly soft hair unconsciously as I wondered what exactly was going on until eventually I fell asleep, still sitting in the chair but with my face pressed against my bed beside Eren and my hand still wrapped in his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy it?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's still Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, guess who just speed wrote another chapter?! I didn't edit it cause I'm feeling lazy and I just wanted to get it posted, but I'll go through and fix it up tomorrow. Enjoy!

In the middle of the night, I jolted awake. I had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there. All of the lights were turned off and the curtains were drawn but I could immediately tell that this was not my bedroom. The bed was soft and crisp and the entire room smelled fresh and clean, unlike the sweaty and clammy feel of my own room. I froze in panic when I heard a deep sigh beside me and slowly, carefully turned my body until I could see who it was in the bed with me. When I saw the man next to me, my eyes widened in horror. Levi Ackerman, my notoriously evil boss was asleep beside me, partially sitting in a chair next to the bed but leaned over so that most of his upper half was actually on the bed. His face was pressed into the sheets right next to me and one of his arms was sprawled out across the bed while the other was hidden beneath his head. It looked incredibly uncomfortable. His mouth was open and he was breathing softly but steadily into the sheets. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. I had no idea what was going on and why I had been sleeping in, presumably, my boss’s bed with him asleep beside me.

I took a slow, deep breath, trying to calm myself enough to remember why I was here. I slowly sat myself up, and it was only then that I realized that I wasn’t wearing my hoodie. My arms were completely naked and each and every long white scar that I had given to myself was visible.

 _Did he see these?_ I thought to myself, once again beginning to panic. I still couldn’t remember a thing about the previous night, but now I was beginning to register a dull throbbing on the side of my head. I ignored it, and instead continued driving myself into hysteria.

 _Does he know what these scars are? Is he disgusted by me? Does he think I’m weak?_ My breathing was becoming short and erratic as my mind continued going in circles. The world seemed to be spinning and it felt like the weight of the entire ocean was pushing down on my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I clawed desperately at my throat, but it was no use.

Suddenly, Levi jolted awake and jumped up, looking at me with panic.

“Eren!” he cried, his voice deep and scratchy with sleep. I couldn’t answer. I opened my mouth, but all I could do was splutter and gasp for breath. Levi jumped into action, standing up and climbing into the bed. He sat down right next to me and grabbed me by my shoulders, pushing my head against his neck and gently rubbing my hair.

“Breathe, Eren,” he soothed. “Just breathe. In and out.” I closed my eyes, listening to his own steady breaths and trying to imitate them. In and out.

“Good,” Levi praised. “Just keep breathing. It’s okay. I’m right here with you.”

I focused on his deep, gentle voice and finally, the panic attack began to subside. I buried my face in Levi’s chest and cried. I don’t know how long we sat there, me sobbing and Levi comforting me, but finally, my tears subsided and I was left simply whimpering softly.

“Eren,” Levi whispered once my crying slowed. “What happened to you?”

I listened to his voice but remained pressed against his chest, refusing to look at him. I did not want to see his anger or his pity for me. The memories of the previous night all came flooding back. All I could see was Dad’s face inching closer and closer to me, his fists coming into contact with my body again and again. All I could smell was the alcohol tainting his breath and the blood dripping from my face. All I could feel was the pain, the fierce, unyielding pain taking control of my very being. I tensed, trying to decide what to tell Levi.

“I walked into a lamp post,” I lied. Levi let go of me, pushing me back just a bit, but then taking my chin into his hand and angling me to face him.

“Eren,” he said again, “you were passed out on a park bench on Christmas night covered in bruises and bleeding out of your face. You did not walk into a lamp post.”

“I fell off of my bike,” I said instead.

“No you didn’t,” Levi argued. Suddenly, I was furious. I slapped his hand away and stood up next to the bed.

“What do you care what happened to me?” I shouted. “You’re not my friend! You’re not my family! I’m just another stupid kid who works for you. I’m, and I quote, NOTHING SPECIAL!” I was fuming, tears of rage pouring down my face yet again. I couldn’t handle this. I needed to get out of here. Levi stood as well and crossed the room to reach me, but I quickly stepped away from him. I didn’t need his pity.

“Eren, I’m trying to help you!” Levi cried, but I cut him off.

“I don’t want your help,” I snapped. “I didn’t ask for your help. I don’t need anyone’s help!” I scratched at my arm unconsciously and Levi’s eyes darted down to the movement. I quickly stopped and glared down at my boss.

“Where is my hoodie?” I asked him, my voice low and dangerous.

“Eren, you don’t need-” he started.

“Where is my god damn hoodie?” I yelled. “Why did you take it off of me?”

“I had to clean up your cuts and bruises before they got infected.” Levi said slowly, still staring at my arms. I paused. There was so much going on, I couldn’t seem to keep all of my thoughts straight. So, Levi had found me at the park, taken me back to his house, and tended to my wounds. But he had also seen my scars, and was still staring at them.

“Stop looking at them,” I finally said, and although I didn’t specify what I was talking about, I knew he knew. Levi turned away and opened up drawer next to his bed, pulling out my thick, green hoodie. I sighed with relief as he tossed it over to me and quickly pulled it over my head, covering the ugly scars. There were several moments of silence before Levi spoke.

“Eren, where did all of those scars come from?”

“Why the fuck do you think I would tell you that?” I spat, still not looking him in the eye.

“Damn it Eren, I’m trying to help you!” Levi snapped.

“I already told you I don’t want your help.”

“Well then, what was I supposed to do, just let you die on a park bench on Christmas?” he countered.

“YES! Don’t you get it; that’s what I wanted!”

Levi paused. “ _Shit_ ,” he muttered under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments?


	12. Levi's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is an idiot and sometimes I can't stand him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooo sorry it's been such a long time!! And this chapter is pretty short too, but I decided I'd just post it and then get you guys another chapter later this week. Thanks so much for sticking with me!

“Look, kid,” I started, but he silenced me with a glare that could match my own, a glare full of fiery determination and rage.

“I don’t want your _pity_ ,” he spat and I frowned. Here I was trying to help the brat and all he did was fight me.

“Eren, shut the _fuck_ up for just one minute. I don’t fucking _pity_ you. I don’t think I’m capable of pity.”

Eren continued to glower at me but did not interrupt. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I was not a patient person, but I needed to hold it together just until I figured out what was going on.

“Now, brat listen to me for one fucking minute,” I snapped. So much for being patient with him. “Something is obviously going on, but for right now, it’s two in the morning, and you obviously need to get some rest.” He opened his mouth, about to argue, but all that came out was a massive yawn. I raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly, before quickly shifting back to my mask of indifference.

“Fine,” he mumbled. “Should I just take your couch?”

“Fuck no!” I cried. “What kind of monster do you think I am, leaving the bruised up kid on the couch. No, I’ll take the couch and you stay here, alright?”

He frowned, but nodded, not in much of a position to argue.

“If you need anything, just let me know, alright brat? We can talk more in the morning,” I told him as I stood to switch off the light. He didn’t respond. He was already fast asleep once again.

 

I padded out of the room and into my living room, grabbing an extra pillow and blanket from my closet as I went. After everything that had happened that evening, I was too exhausted to shower, so instead I just quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face. I laid the blanket out on the couch and took of my shirt and pants, folding them and setting them down on the other couch before collapsing onto the pillow, but I just couldn’t sleep. What did he mean, that’s what he wanted? He could have died if I hadn’t found him and cleaned him up. How could that be what he wanted?

Eren was an anomaly. Nothing about him ever made sense. He was so aggravatingly cocky and confident at work that sometimes I just wanted to rip his hair out. But now apparently he was suicidal? I wasn’t sure if I even bought it. No one person could be every emotion at once. How could he be cocky and under confident at the same time? For all I knew, he was just looking for attention. Maybe he wanted me to give him a pity pay raise. I scoffed at the thought. As if! With that thought, I allowed myself to drift off to sleep.

 

_I awoke to the feeling of two large, calloused hands holding on to either side of my stomach. I opened my eyes, but not with fear. I wanted this. Two green eyes twinkling mischievously met my gaze before the man touching me began moving. He swung a leg over my hips, straddling me on the couch… There wasn’t enough room. The couch morphed into my bed. I would have found this bizarre, but before I had a chance to think, the two green eyes had completely glazed over, dilating with lust, and the man lowered his body onto my own. I reached a hand up to pull his hair down towards me and captured his lips in a passionate kiss._

_“Eren,” I moaned, for I suddenly knew who the man was. He kissed me back, desperately and sloppily. His hands began roaming all over my body, sending shivers down my spine. I broke the kiss and gasped as he pinched one of my nipples and he smirked, lowering his head and taking the other nipple into his mouth, licking and biting it. I moaned in pleasure and pain._

_“More,” I begged as Eren removed his mouth from my chest. Suddenly, Eren jolted off of the bed, frowning at me, his eyes streaked with tears._

_“Why should I give you more?” he sobbed._

_The scene changed. I was back at the park, taking a walk after all of my Christmas “festivities,” when I saw a lump sprawled out across a bench. I began running. I didn’t know why. I just knew that I had to get to the bench before it was too late. Too late for what? I had no idea. I just kept running, but with each step I took, the bench got farther and farther away. I wasn’t going to make it. I froze, panting heavily, heart beating fast. I looked up, and the bench was right in front of me. Carefully, I stepped towards the bench. A man was lying on the bench, shirt removed and bruises and scars covering his chest and arms. His messy brown hair was plastered to his face, covering his bright green eyes. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I still knew that, if I could, they would be green. But I never would get to see. Those green eyes would never open again._

 

I jolted awake, breathing heavily. My blankets were tangled messily between my legs and the pillow had fallen to the floor beside the couch. I groaned, grabbing my phone to check the time. It was only five in the morning, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep.

I felt numb. I could remember my dream as clearly as I could remember my real life. I needed a cup of tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on Levi! Even your subconscious knows that you're being an idiot!
> 
> Don't forget to leave kudos and comments and thank you so much for reading!! :)


	13. Both POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after
> 
> (lol that sounds like they had a one night stand doesn't it?! xD)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have another chapter! Sorry it's been such a long time. I've had a bit of writer's block lately and I figured it would be better to just wait a little bit and make sure that the quality of writing is still where I wanted it. But anyways, here it is!

_Eren's POV_

When I woke up for the second time in Levi’s house, I did not feel as panicked. If anything, I just felt numb. My boss had found me bleeding out on a park bench. He had seen my scars. He had seen me in my weakest, truest form. I didn’t know what to do. Nobody had ever seen me like this before. Nobody.

The worst part was that I hadn’t even given him permission to see me like this. Mikasa was probably the only other person who had seen even a fraction of the pain that I was in, and I hadn’t let her see any of it at all until I was ready. It had taken me years to open up to her. But then Levi just waltzed into my life and found out about me in just one short month.

My head was spinning. I was furious that he had stolen my privacy, but I was also grateful and slightly confused that he had gone out of his way to help me. He didn’t even like me, and yet he still let me sleep in his bed. But mostly, I was just upset and embarrassed. He pitied me; I could tell. Why else would he sacrifice his own comfort in order to help me? And he had seen my scars, stared at the ugly cracks snaking up my arms. Those weren’t something that he could just forget. From now on, every time he looked at me, he would see straight through my hoodie to the palette of pain kept hidden beneath. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

I groggily sat up, allowing myself to take in the room. Now that light was streaming in from the window, I could get a good look at my surroundings. I was slightly surprised. I had never really thought about what Levi’s room might look like, let alone imagine that I might ever find myself there, but for some reason, I expected the room to be darker. He always dressed in dark clothing and had a generally dark personality, but I supposed that didn’t necessarily mean anything. In reality, his room was the complete opposite. A perfectly white paper covered the walls and the floor was carpeted with a fuzzy grey shag. The bed was a king size (what kind of single man had a king bed? Is Levi even single? Wait, why am I even thinking about this?) with crisp white sheets and a grey mattress. A few comfortable white chairs sat against the wall on one side of the bed and a tall, white wardrobe was pushed against the other wall. In front of the bed was a white wooden desk with a small television on it. Overall, it was a clean and yet strangely cozy room. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit calmer as I relaxed against the pillow.

After about five minutes, I decided I really needed to get out of bed. It was just so hard sometimes motivating myself to do anything. I just wanted to lie around all day and wallow in nothingness. But today, that wasn’t really an option. I would rather be up and cleaned up before Levi woke up anyways, so with one final sigh, I got out of the bed and dragged myself towards a door that I figured led to the bathroom.

After washing my face and using the bathroom, I decided I really couldn’t hide any longer. I needed to face Levi at least long enough for him to let me leave. Cautiously, I pushed the door of his bedroom open and took in the room around me. It was a fairly small room with two green couches facing each other with a coffee table between them. The room connected with a kitchen on one side and the front door on the other. Bookshelves lined the walls. Levi was sitting on the sofa drinking a cup of tea while sifting through a newspaper. I took a deep breath before stepping out into the living room, putting on my signature grin.

“Morning, Levi!” I chirped. “Thanks for helping me out last night, I’m feeling much better now.”

Levi set down his newspaper and glared up at me. “Yeah fucking right you’re fine. I’m done with this stupid bipolar shit. Sit down and wait for me to make us some breakfast and then we’re going to have a talk.”

I gulped. I should have known it wouldn’t be so easy to escape. Levi could be just as stubborn as I was. I needed to think of something quickly to say and prepare myself for any probing questions he might ask. I settled myself down on the couch and watched as Levi began preparing some eggs on the stove in the adjoining kitchen. I chewed on my fingers nervously, willing myself to sink into the ground and cease to be, but alas, it was not to be. Finally, Levi finished with breakfast and walked back into the living room carrying two steaming plates with him. He handed one of them to me and then sat down on the couch facing me.

“Now,” he said icily. “You are going to tell me the truth.”

I frowned. Why did he think he could just demand the truth of me and expect me to answer him honestly? I had kept my inner demons secret for years, ever since Mom died. Why did he think he would be any different?

“Suppose I don’t want to,” I answered dully. I couldn’t be bothered with emotions right now.

“Do I look like I give a fuck if you don’t want to you shitty brat? I’m tired of dealing with your childish behavior, so you’d better start talking and don’t you dare lie to me. I’ll know. I always know.”

I scoffed inwardly. I was a professional liar. There was no way he would know when I was lying. But I didn’t say this. I just nodded and waited for him to continue.

“First, why were you passed out on a park bench last night?” he asked.

“I was tired and my face hurt,” I answered. It was the truth, but it wasn’t very helpful. Eren 1, Levi 0!

“No shit,” Levi snapped. “Why did your face hurt?”

I grinned. He was not asking the right questions, and I could take advantage of that. This was all just a game. All I had to do was beat Levi, and I would win. “It hurt because it was bleeding.”

“And _why_ was it bleeding?” Levi growled.

“Because it got cut,” I responded. If I took my own head out of this, it could be fun. All of his questions were puzzles and riddles, and I just had to answer honestly without giving too much away.

“And how did it get cut?”

“Glass,” I said bluntly. Now I needed to start answering more carefully. He was getting closer to the truth, and I needed to keep him away from it.

“Where did the glass come from?”

“Well, usually glass comes from superheating sand or other silicon based substances and melted in a furnace.” I replied cockily. 2, 0 Eren!

 

_Levi’s POV_

Fuck that stupid brat! Why the hell was he making this so difficult?! I glared across the sofa at him and his cocky little grin. Fine, if he wanted to play, he had just chosen the wrong opponent.

“Alright,” I said. I decided to take a gamble. I wasn’t sure if it would work, but if it did, I would make some progress. “This is obviously not going well, so maybe we should try something different. But first, do your parents know where you are? You should probably call and let them know.” I watched as Eren’s expression flickered briefly to a look of panic before quickly smoothing back over. Bingo. One point for Levi.

“Ah, that won’t be necessary,” Eren said. “They are spending the holidays with family in Germany so they don’t even know I’m not home.”

He’s lying. Time to catch him. “Family in Germany? I didn’t realize you were German.”

“Yeah,” Eren said casually. “At least, my dad is. He was born in Germany but he moved here when he was a teenager.”

His lie must have been based in truth. I would have to dig deeper. “But you still have family in Germany?” I asked.

“Yeah, my dad was the only one in his generation to come over here, so most of my aunts and uncles are still there.”

“So why didn’t your parents take you with them to Germany? It’s not like you have work or school.”

Eren blinked, and I swore I could almost see the cogs turning in his head. “Well, I don’t speak much German, and I’m not really that close to any of my family in Germany, so I usually don’t have much fun there anyways. My parents said I _could_ go, but I didn’t really want to, so they let me stay home.”

“What about your sister? What was her name? Mikasa?”

“Yeah, Mikasa went with them. She speaks German fluently so it’s not a problem for her.”

“Wait, so your sister speaks German but you don’t?”

“Umm, well, you see, she’s actually adopted, and when she first joined the family, she decided to learn German to show that she was one of us now…”

“Interesting,” I said. “So basically she learned a language that only your dad knows in order to fit in with the family?”

“…Yes,” Eren said, gritting his teeth slightly. His cover was beginning to fall.

“So would you say that your sister prefers your dad to the rest of your family?”

“Fuck no!” Eren spat, before slapping a hand over his mouth, eyes wide.

Now we’re getting somewhere. “I’m afraid you’ve lost me, Eren,” I lied. “Why would your sister try so hard to impress your father if she doesn’t like him?”

“I-I never said she doesn’t like him,” Eren murmured. His lip was shaking and it didn’t look like he would be able to hold on much longer.

“So she does like him,” I clarified.

“I-well, how am I supposed to know how she feels?” he shot back. There. I had gotten him riled up again. Now, he just might talk. He was impulsive by nature, and if I could use that to my advantage, I could get him to spill.

“Why do you keep asking me all these questions?” Eren cried. His eyes were red, and he was obviously trying to hold back tears. “You have no right to demand this of me!”

He had a fair point. Why did I care? It couldn’t have been because I was _worried_ about him. I didn’t really care about anybody anymore. I suppose I was mostly just annoyed that he was always so overdramatic about everything and I wanted him to quit it. Whatever, I’d deal with that later. “You’re my employee. I have to be sure that this is not going to affect your work.”

“Bullshit!” Eren said. “I’ve always been like this and you’ve never once shown even a glimmer of concern. No, it’s because you saw my fucking scars and now you suddenly realize that I’m someone to be _pitied_! I didn’t give you permission to see them! I didn’t ask you to help me! Hell, I didn’t even ask for this job! Everyone just _assumes_ that I want their help or that they’re doing me a favor by pitying me, but nobody actually cares how _I_ feel!”

I was stunned.

 _What if this isn’t just for attention?_ I wondered. _Is he really hurting? Did I do this to him?_

I didn’t know what to say. I felt sick. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t what I wanted. I don’t know what I wanted, but it wasn’t this. I had been trying to get him to talk, but I never considered what he might actually say. Eren had once again descended into silent sobs, his face buried in his hoodie to hide himself from view.

“Eren,” I said, but he didn’t respond. “Eren, look at me.” He was completely unresponsive. I slowly rose and walked around the table between us to sit beside him. I carefully lifted my arm and put it around his neck, but he shook me off.

“I should go,” he whispered.

“Eren-” I tried again, but he had already stood and begun slipping his shoes back on.

“I’ll be back at work on Monday,” he muttered before silently creeping out the door. I considered stopping him, but I knew there was nothing I could do. I had consistently made him feel useless and worthless. I berated him constantly to the point where he could barely look me in the eye. I tried to force him to open up to me, only succeeding in closing him off further. I had really fucked up. I had no right to go after him. I had lost that privilege the first time I called him a fucking hobo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pretty hard to write, but I'm thinking that the ereri ship will be setting sail soon. I just needed to tie up some loose ends before we could move on to more interesting stuff. Anyways, as usual, make sure to leave comments and kudos and thank you for reading! <3


	14. Levi's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME I'M SO SORRY!!!!!! These past few months have been insane for me with exams and violin stuff, and I've been having a lot of trouble motivating myself to write, but now, I'm finally getting over the block. I'm so sorry for everyone I kept waiting for such a long time and thank you so much for staying with me! Enjoy the chapter!

After Eren left my apartment, it felt a lot emptier than usual. I like living alone, and I like being alone, but for some reason, something just felt off. I wasn’t used to feeling guilty. I normally didn’t give people the time of day to lead to guilt. But this time, I really fucked up badly. Eren wasn’t just hurting; he was fucking broken, and I couldn’t help but think that at least some of it was my own fault. I needed a distraction. I spent the entire rest of the morning madly cleaning my apartment, violently scrubbing every surface I could find until the entire house literally shone white. But eventually, even I couldn’t find anything else to tidy up. But I still didn’t want to be able to think just yet. I grabbed my cellphone, taking a deep breath before dialing the dreaded number. The response was almost instantaneous.

“LEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!” Hanji shrieked. Fortunately, I had been prepared, and left the phone sitting on the coffee table, not against my ear. I could hear her shouting anyway.

“Shut the fuck up, shitty glasses!” I snapped once she had quieted down enough for me to hear my own fucking thoughts.

“Levi, my darling, my precious little kitten, how can you expect me to _not_ be excited when _you_ call _me_ for once!”

“Damn it woman, don’t make me regret this,” I growled.

Hanji cackled. “Well then, what do I owe the pleasure of this call, shorty?”

I frowned at the nickname, but let it slide. “I need a drink. Wanna go to Pixis’ bar?”

“You know it! We’ll party like when we were in college! But no picking up one of those loose men; I don’t feel like dealing with you sucking faces with some random-”

“Damn it Hanji, have a bit more faith in me!” I snarled. Hanji just sighed.

“I would if you deserved it…” she muttered.

“What was that?” I snapped.

“Nothing, nothing!” she sighed.

“Whatever,” I said. “I’ll meet you in forty-five minutes.” I hung up and then stood, stripping down and heading into my bedroom to change. I slid into a pair of black skinny jeans that hugged my ass nicely and a tight royal blue button up. I completed the outfit with a pair of jet-black boots and a thin layer of eyeliner to highlight my silver eyes before deeming myself ready to head out. Tonight, I was going to give myself one night to completely let loose before returning to the real world.

Half an hour later, I was getting out of my car in front of the bar. Hanji, Erwin, and I used to frequent this bar back in our college days. It attracted all sorts of people but generally stayed at least tame enough to be safe. And, of course, Erwin had some sort of connection to the owner, Dot Pixis, so the three of us were pretty much always welcome.

Before I even made it to the entrance, Hanji was upon me, attempting to pull me into a hug from behind. I nimbly escaped her grip, scowling as I turned to assess her appearance. She actually didn’t look half bad; her hair was down for once and she wore a blood red dress that showed off her curves with a pair of red heels (as if the lady wasn’t already tall enough!) and held a small clutch in her hand. She had even put on some makeup, although her enormous glasses covered most of it. Still, she looked alright.

“Calm down, shitty glasses!” I cried. “Come on, let’s go inside.” I turned and stalked towards the doors, Hanji close behind. There was a fairly long line to get in but Hanji and I both pushed right through to the front. The bouncer, Hannes, recognized us immediately and let us in. Some guy further back in the line tried to shout something at me but I just flipped him off and followed Hanji into the bar.

As soon as we were inside, I veered straight to the bar and both of us downed a few shots before grabbing some drinks to bring back to a table.

“So, shorty, why so serious today?” Hanji asked.

“Fuck off, I’m always serious,” I said.

Hanji rolled her eyes. “Okay then, instead, what sort of earth shattering event could have happened that _you_ called _me_ to go out?”

“Ugh, I don’t wanna talk about it, four eyes. That’s kinda why I came here. To _not_ think about things.”

“Fine, fine!” she sang. “Well then, I guess that means I should tell you all about my new project!”

“What? No, I don’t wanna talk about that either!!” I groaned.

“Too late!” she cackled. “So my assistant Moblit had was on holiday in India for a couple of weeks and while he was there he noticed something very interesting. He was in a region that has fairly common malaria outbreaks, and when he was talking to some random native gentleman, the guy mentioned that in each generation…”

I tried to tune her out, I really did. I downed two more drinks and even went through all of my work emails, but even twenty minutes later she was still going.

“And so he took the mosquitoes home (I named them Sawney and Bean, by the way) and now I’ve been running a series of tests on them in order to determine…”

I rolled my eyes before letting them wander, randomly choosing different groups of people to judge while I waited for Hanji to shut up before I froze. I hadn’t really been paying attention to the group I was watching, just vaguely noting that the woman’s breasts were obviously fake and that her boyfriend seemed more interested in the brunette on the other side of the counter when I heard it: a deep, animated laugh. At first I thought it must be someone different. He didn’t laugh, at least not with so much _spirit_. But then he spoke.

“No, no she’s adopted, but she _is_ my sister! Shut up, Jean!”

I slowly turned towards the voice, and, to my horror, right across the bar sat a group of what looked like almost a dozen teens. And of course, gesticulating wildly in the very center of the group was Eren fucking Jaeger.

“Who are you looking at?” Hanji said, suddenly, and I quickly snapped my eyes back to face her.

“Nobody in particular,” I lied, and although most people wouldn’t be able to tell, Hanji had known me long enough to be able to read the subtle nuances in my expression.

“Bullshit,” she exclaimed before turning to scan Eren’s group. “Hey, I’ve seen that kid!” she cried, pointing at the short, mushroom-haired blonde sitting next to Jaeger. “Isn’t he that tech guy who works for your company?”

I shrugged. “Probably. I don’t remember half of the people who work for me. Just the ones who I _have_ to remember.”

“And those ones are the ones you want to either kill or fuck, right?”

“What the fuck, Hanji?!”

“I’m just saying!” she laughed. “I wonder which of _those_ ones you want? It can’t be any of the short ones cause you only like tall guys, so that rules out blondie and baldie. And obviously it won’t be either of the girls. So that leaves the one with freckles, the one with the long face, or the brunette in the middle… If only they would turn around so I could see their faces! Then I’d know for sure.”

“Jesus, what the hell happened to this conversation? I thought we were talking about your pet crickets-“

“Mosquitoes.”

“-Whatever the fuck they are! I thought we were talking about your _mosquitoes_ , not which of my subordinates I want to bone!”

“Oh, so you admit one of them _has_ caught your attention!” Hanji cackled.

“No-I-that’s not what I meant shit for brains!” I stuttered.

“Hmm, but then again,” she continued, “knowing you, I don’t see why you would simply appreciate him from afar. Your style is usually see, conquer, and come…”

“Hanji!” I barked. “What. The. Actual. Fuck.”

“So I guess there’s only one logical explanation,” Hanji said, continuing to ignore my outbursts. Suddenly, her face lit up with a manic grin. “You must actually have feelings for one of those men!!!”

I scoffed. “Yeah fucking right. You know I don’t do that shit.”

Hanji simply looked at me thoughtfully before jumping up and rushing towards Eren’s group.

“Wait! Fuck, Hanji, stop!” I cried, but it was in vain. Hanji had already bounded over and tapped the baldie on the head. And of course, as soon as I shout, Eren turned and made eye contact.

“’Well fuck,” I muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter? Make sure to leave comments and kudos to let me know! Also, I'm always looking for constructive criticism, so don't be afraid to offer me suggestions! <3
> 
> So I'm gonna be posting one or two more chapters this week, but then, unfortunately, I am going to be leaving for violin camp for the entire rest of the summer. Yeah… Don't worry, I'll make sure not to leave you all on a cliffhanger, but know that the updates are going to drop out for a month or two again until I'm back home.


	15. Eren's POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren decides to have a night out with his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! This is a shorter chapter but I figured I'd put it up before school starts again. Also, I literally have no idea how to write bar scenes since I'm underage and don't even know what an alcoholic beverage tastes like, much less how it feels to be drunk...

My mind was empty. I simply took one step, then another, then another. I barely noticed where I was going, didn’t even recognize my own house as I pulled open the front door and trudged upstairs to my bedroom. I considered reaching for my razor blade, but at this point, I didn’t even have the energy for that. Levi had seen my scars. He also suspected something more was going on. Would he tell Principal Smith? Probably. Who else would he tell? Would he treat me differently now? Would he pity me, or would he hate me even more? Why the fuck did everything always go wrong with my life?

 _Oh, right_ , I thought bitterly. _It’s because I killed my own fucking mother_.

But really, how long would I have to continuing paying for that? Was this going to be the rest of my life? An endless cycle of misery, agony, and self-pity? Because I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

Once again, I reached toward my nightstand drawer, but before I could pull out a blade, I felt my cell phone buzz in my pocket. Groaning, I looked down at the caller id to see the word “Seabiscuit” flashing on my phone. I grinned inwardly before putting the phone to my ear.

“What’s up, Ponyboy?” I said.

“Aw, shut up man!” Jean whined. “I was _gonna_ invite you out drinking with all of us tonight, but now I might reconsider…”

“Hey, hey, I didn’t mean it! I teased. “But you know I don’t really go out…”

“Come on, dude, just this once,” Jean begged. “It’s Christmas! We’re all gonna be there, even Marco!”

“I dunno…” I started before pausing. It had been a really shitty break (well, a really shitty couple of years if I was being honest) and I could _really_ use a drink. One of our friends, Ymir, had made fake ids for the entire group, and she knew one of the bouncers, so they were always going out to bars on Friday nights. I had never gone with them, claiming I had homework or had to work late, but tonight, I didn’t have an excuse. And, it would be nice to get closer to the group, even if I could never really reveal much about myself. Dad’s car hadn’t been in the driveway when I got home so he was probably either at work or off getting drunk somewhere, so he wouldn’t miss me. “You know what? Screw it, I’ll go.”

“Yesss!!!! I’ll pick you up around eight, cool?”

“Actually, just give me the address and I’ll meet you guys there,” I said. I may be stepping out of my comfort zone by going out with them but there was no way I would ride in the car with them too.

“Are you sure, man? I’m already giving Marco and Armin a ride.”

“No, it’s fine, I’d rather just bike,” I insisted.

“Alright, suit yourself,” Jean said. After we’d gotten all the details worked out, I hung up. I set down my phone and trekked into the bathroom, stripping down to get into the shower.

 _This will be good for me_ , I thought as I began rinsing my hair. _Mom would probably want me to get out more… Well, she probably wouldn’t want me going to a bar, but it’s a start! I can give myself one day off before going back to hell._

I was starting to almost wish that winter break were a bit longer. I hated being at home, and it was a constant battle to stay safe, but at least my dad was simple to understand. He hated me because I killed his wife so he got really drunk and punished me. At work, though, I had to deal with Levi, and unlike my dad, Levi was confusing and complex.

I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind as I tried to decide what to wear for the night. Now that I had an actual paycheck, Armin and I had gone to the mall a few more times to buy me nicer clothes, but there was one outfit I hadn’t worn yet. Armin had insisted on buying it for me as a Christmas present, but honestly, I hadn’t really wanted it. It was the kind of outfit you wear when you go out clubbing, not to work at a big company, so I figured I’d never wear it, but now that I was actually going out, it was the perfect time to try it on. I didn’t really feel comfortable in it though. Overall, it was a simple outfit, a pair of black jeans and a green button up. But the pants were tighter than I was used to and highlighted my gangly legs and drew attention to my round, almost girly butt. The shirt was tight as well, which, even though _intellectually_ I knew it couldn’t, always made me feel like my scars were visible. But, I figured, it would probably be dim in the bar anyways, and Armin would probably be happy to see me wearing his gift. So, I sucked it up and put on the outfit. I tried in vain to tame my hair before giving up and simply accepting the fact that I looked like a used mop.

About an hour later, I found myself in a dimly lit corner of the bar with my friends. Ymir had bought a round of shots for everyone and each time I finished a drink, Jean would call someone over to refill it. I didn’t drink often, so after just a few drinks, I was affirmatively drunk.

“Errreeeennn!!” Armin slurred, giggling and sloshing his drink through the air. “Tell the others why you call Jean Seabiscuit!”

“No, wait!” Jean groaned, trying to cover my mouth with his hand. He was a lot more physical when he was drunk, but apparently I was a lot more lenient when _I_ was drunk, so I didn’t really care. I grinned stupidly and licked Jean’s finger, causing him to pull his hand back in disgust as Sasha and Connie roared with laughter.

“So it was about three weeks ago,” I started. “I was still pretty new at Recon so I wasn’t quite sure of the layout of the building yet. I was trying to find the cafeteria to get Mr. Stinkypants (Ymir snorted at my childish nickname for our boss) his cup of tea, but somehow I ended up in the break room instead, and lo and behold, there’s Jean-bo, lounging on one of the couches mouthing the lyrics to the song that he _thought_ was playing in his headphones. But nope, they weren’t plugged in, so as soon as I had the door opened, my poor ears were bombarded with Jean’s phone blasting the theme song to My Little Pony!” I laughed at the memory of Jean’s beet-red face when he realized I had caught him in the act.

“Hey, well at least I’m not so desperate that I have pictures of a fake girlfriend on my phone!” Jean whined.

“God, Horseface, how many times to I have to tell you, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my sister!”

“Yeah right! You guys have seen the pics, right? She is definitely Asian, and, I hate to break it to you, honey, but you ain’t!”

“No, no, she’s adopted, but she _is_ my sister. Shut up, Jean!” Before Jean could throw in another retort, somebody came up behind our group and tapped Connie on the shoulder. That was when I saw them. Those two, piercing silver eyes, widened ever so slightly in surprise.

“Hey look,” I giggled, pointing at the man. “It’s Mr. Stinkypants!”


	16. NOT A CHAPTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER-- JUST NOTES

Okay, so clearly its been several months since I last posted, and so I figured ya'll deserve an explanation. I really don't want to drop this fic, and eventually it WILL be finished, but last year when I was writing it, I was severely depressed, and so the story itself was a therapeutic exercise for me. Now, however, a lot has changed in my life. Of course, I'm not at 100% but I am doing a lot better than I was. I haven't self-harmed in months. Because of this, I have had a lot of trouble continuing this story. I no longer relate with Eren like I did last year because I don't feel so lost anymore. Sure, I probably could throw something together to end the story, but I don't want to do that. When I finish this fic, I want it to be something I'm proud of. So, I'm sorry to say that this piece will be going on hiatus for a while until I feel inspired to write it again. I'm going to be working on other fics in the meantime but I just can't write this one right now. I'm sorry if I am letting you down, but thank you for your understanding.


End file.
